EWW: Turns out I've been doing this wrong the whole time
This is not how you do a newsletter.
Well, it turns out I’m not doing this newsletter the way you’re meant to! Apparently you’re not meant to do 2000 word newsletters - you’re meant to do lots of short newsletters. And a few of them a week. So I’m going to try that and see how we go. As my loyal first paid subscribers - thank you. I hope you like this new direction and I really want your feedback!
For a refresher, when I started this newsletter I said: “This, whatever we make this, can be ours. And I like that. It’s a way of saying that you can privately publicly share. That you can talk to each other through a screen just fine, actually. That intimacy happens online too – and it’s sacred. The swirling shitstorm can stay outside while we are warm inside, with our cups of coffee, biscuits and our humanness.”
I still feel that. So let’s do that.
It will mean if you’re an unpaid subscriber you’ll get more stuff. And I’m going to dangle a carrot in front of you. The carrot is the promise of secret good stuff if you pay.
Why?
Why is it “dangle a carrot”? If I dangled a carrot would you be excited? Or would you just be like get that carrot away from my face Emily. When have you ever been like - “that’s a hard sell, you will need to give me a carrot or else I will not do it”.
Dangle a cheesecake in my face. Dangle affordable housing for all. Dangle American Chris Evans in a sweater vest telling me I’m beautiful. Dangle paid subscribers.
Anyway, why not:
And if you subscribe you’ll get a piece I wrote on the hierarchy of writers at writers festivals. And you’ll also get the smug feeling of knowing you’re supporting an anxious mum of two currently hiding from her children and googling “where does dangle a carrot come from?”
For today’s entirely free newsletter I am giving you free advice on filing your tax return. I’ve been told popular content is content about making you money.
Expert tips for filing your tax return
My first tip is to google “expert tips for filing your tax return”. There you will find this article that says: “Income tax returns for 2020 are due on July 7”.
Amazing. Is that really true? I did mine so early then. Here’s how I did mine:
Spend three-and-a-half weeks trying to find receipts for your tax return.
After you’ve found a few in six different places - use the three apps on your phone to pull together your other expenses.
Why do you have three apps? Because you only used a one-month trial for each because you’re both broke and cheap.
Try to log into the IRD website.
Reset your IRD password.
Call to confirm it’s really you resetting your IRD password.
Forget your new IRD password.
Reset your IRD password.
Call to confirm it’s really you resetting your IRD password.
Spend 40 minutes on the IRD website trying to fill out your tax return.
Cry.
Drink.
Do nothing for one month.
Forget your new IRD password.
Reset your IRD password.
Call to confirm it’s really you resetting your IRD password.
Try to list your expenses but give up when you can’t work out where to attach them to your return on the IRD website.
After your calculations it looks like you owe $762,0000.
Have a panic attack.
Have your husband look at your calculations.
Turns out you don’t owe $762,0000.
Tell your husband this is patriarchal society convincing you that women can’t do math and you’d be able to do it if it wasn’t ingrained in you that math is for men.
Drink.
Cry.
Agree that you may as well just hire someone to do it if neither of you can do it.
Ask a friend if they can help.
Listen to your friend tell you that it makes no sense that you have so little expenses and six income streams.
Explain to him that receipts are hard.
Forget your new IRD password.
Reset your IRD password.
Call to confirm it’s really you resetting your IRD password.
Hire an accountant.
Try to explain to the accountant you’re a professional woman in control of her life as you hand over a box of ripped receipts in a tissue box.
Wait one month.
Pay tax bill.
Pay accountant.
Toast to your exceptional tax return making skills.
Look at you. I’m proud of you. This is what success looks like.
Time for a carrot.
I have to give you 40 just in case anyone reading can’t handle uneven numbers.
Image from Just Seeds. This print is based on a mural created by Jess and Chip at the BRIC House Cafe in Brooklyn in 2016. The mural portrays a poetic sisterhood spanning two generations of Black woman poets: NYC-based poet, activist and slam host Mahogany Browne, and Sonia Sanchez, a pioneer of the black arts movement.
Activism and Advocacy corner
Not a literal corner but since I get many queries about taking the leap into active activism - I thought I’d have this place to highlight some causes. You can email me or comment with other causes you think I should highlight.
This week - How do we support young mothers?
High Schools Mums is a two-part series that you should absolutely watch. Here’s my review. Watching it, I found the girls inspirational of course (and the teachers too) but I also felt quite ashamed by how let down they’d been by this country. I talked to teen mothers and their teachers and advocates to find out what they need.
Here are some action points for advocacy around young parents.
New Zealand’s waiting list for state housing hit a record high in January. It has more than doubled in size to 14,500 in the past two years. It’s an election year, so we need to know what’s being done to address this waiting list and ensure all young mums and their tamariki are in safe housing.
A 2001 study suggested the government should provide a minimum standard of living and sufficient childcare to combat deprivation. Did this happen? I can’t see any evidence that it did. We need to call for policies around this and support the parties who will make it happen.
There are just 25 teen parent units in New Zealand, including four in the South Island. If you have a teen at school - is it worth checking if they’ve considered having a teen parent unit? I’ve heard the school needs to drive this, they then get funding from the Government. They won’t look into it unless there is a push. Why not start going to your school’s board meetings or join the board and look at ways you can advocate for teen parents in your region.
A report from the Ministry of Social Development found that “teenage beneficiaries are being left with as little as $3 spending money per week and are at risk of being exploited”. Every time you see someone pulling the “dole bludgers” line on social media, hit them with this article. Be an outspoken advocate for young mothers and push back on all welfare policy that harms vulnerable people.
This month, The Children’s Commissioner published the first of two reports on Oranga Tamariki. The report was damning, with the first recommendation being: “The system needs to recognise the role of mums as te whare tangata and treat them and their pēpi with humanity.” The report also found “unprofessional statutory social work practice” is harming mothers and their babies. It also found pēpi Māori and their whānau are experiencing racism and discrimination. Sign the petition to encourage an overhaul of Oranga Tamariki.
Push back against the stigma. When you see someone bagging teen mums - step in. Be a voice for change. The stigma hurts these amazing mums but it also leads to shitty policy that is so damaging to them and their children. Babies are a taonga but so are mothers.
You don’t have to do all of these things. Even one thing is helpful.
This week in nobody asked news
After spending a week writing about pelvic health (this is the petition I wrote about you should sign it) - I decided to actually sort out my pelvic health.
My youngest is truly a gift that keeps on giving and I can now tell you that I’m the proud owner of a bung cervix. I know, what more could I ask for from this blessed year?
I’ll be having an ultrasound and I’ve got a referral ( through public health so hopefully by the time Ham moves out I’ll be able to get my uterus whipped out in time to chuck it on Trademe to finance a sunny holiday to *spins globe* Timaru).
In true Gen Y style I’ll update you along the way!
Look at this
Phil does not want a bath. Don’t worry Phil is a big dog.
Oh well there you go then
It turns out that dangling a carrot is based on donkeys. If you dangle a carrot in front of a donkey it will walk apparently. Well, I would never debase you by calling you a donkey though they’re inherently helpful creatures with potentially soft ears.
In recognition of Neve’s birthday and Jacinda Ardern’s great cake making skills I will leave you with this excellent Hello Kitty cake. Have a great week.
Yes yes yes! to post-pregnancy care. I have been talking recently (some would say banging on!) about this as I feel really let down by health care providers. I am lucky to be able to ask questions and demand but, as always, my mind immediately flicks to those women who do not have the time or resources to do this. What happens to them if this is what is happening to me??!! I don't want to pee every time I sneeze or walk down the stairs for the next 40 years! It's the damned patriarchy. They want us to pee so we don't have time to over throw them because we have to change our knickers. No more, I say!
As a former tax specialist, loved your tax advice - especially number 40! As a new subscriber I'd personally prefer more words less frequently, but happy to see how it goes.
Thanks for doing this, I value your work and it's good to be able to contribute.