Exclusive interview with the man who created Covid 19
Emily Writes Weekly
Kia ora, this is a pretty shocking interview. When I was sent the PR release saying “Chat to the man who created Covid 19” I thought “Wow”. And also “I wonder why nobody else interviewed him”. I fired off an email to him and he got back to me really quickly. Here’s our no-holds-barred interview.
Me: Hi - are you the guy who created Covid 19?
Divoc: Yeah, it’s me. I’m sorry eh.
Me: It was kind of rude to unleash a massive pandemic on the world. I mean you killed 5.5 million people at least and that number is rising.
Divoc: Yeah. It was absolutely not cool of me at all but I’m going to stop it now.
Me: Wow, you can stop it?
Divoc: Yeah, again soz. I’m going to stop it now. I just like press this button and BOOM no more Covid.
Me: Wow. This is big news. Thanks for sharing it in my newsletter.
Divoc: No problem fam.
Me: What has made you want to end the pandemic? I mean why didn’t you do it sooner?
Divoc: Oh I saw the protest in Wellington and I was just like wow, maybe it’s time to end this. I mean those people at Parliament they are done. So if they’re done why not just end it.
Me: The protestors changed your mind?
Divoc: Yeah, I mean I saw them shitting in the street, throwing shit at police, shitting on the war memorial, and pouring their shit into the harbour and I was just like DUDE!
Me: …
Divoc: I just like…can’t handle the coprophilia you know. Like nothing has made me so angry I’ve just dropped a deuce on the street eh. So they must be real mad. And the poorly sung BBQ reggae. In terms of what annoys me most it’s like - ‘shitting on stuff’ and then like ‘that band Op Shop’ and ‘people who don’t know the difference between socialism, communism and fascism’. So you can imagine how hard these last two weeks have been for me.
Me: Are you saying if we’d shit in the street earlier you would have ended the pandemic years ago?
Divoc: Yeah. I mean - I’m not an unreasonable guy.
Me: So them saying they’re going to hang New Zealanders in groups of 20 doesn’t bother you? Because you caused that didn’t you?
Divoc: No way! The government caused that. I just caused the pandemic.
Me: But the Government had to put safeties in place to protect people from the pandemic.
Divoc: But they don’t think the pandemic exists so how can it be my fault if they don’t think the pandemic exists? Checkmate.
Me: So the protestors, by saying that Covid doesn’t exist will make Covid not exist.
Divoc: Basically. I mean, if they’re over the pandemic, that they don’t believe in, maybe the pandemic should be over.
Me: Wow, this is a lot to process. Wait - is your name Covid backwards?
Divoc: Nah Covid is my name backwards. I’m super into palindromes.
Me: But it’s only a palindrome if it’s the same word backwards as it is forwards.
Divoc: Oh real?
Me: Yeah. Fully.
Divoc: Well what’s it called when it’s just reversing a word?
Me: I dunno.
Divoc: Hmmm.
Me: I really hate you man. Like I think you’re a garbage human for killing so many people and ruining so many lives.
Divoc: Wow, wow, wow. CHILL. I am actually all about freedom and peace and love. Don’t believe what the media says. That’s fake news. I’m actually about all of us being in this together you know. We are all one. I’m the one losing my job here. I can’t believe the division you’re pushing. This is segregation. It’s discrimination! This is not the New Zealand I grew up in! Where’s the love? Come over to my lab and see what it’s really about with your own eyes, if you actually saw wha…
*At this point I put the phone down so I could put the kids to bed. Two hours later I picked it up and he was still going*
Divoc: …is propaganda and if you just opened your eyes because I’m not actually anti vaxx I’m just anti mandate because why can’t I let my great work spread? That’s infringing on my rights. And yes I am actually anti vaxx but not all vaccines just this one because as I said what about my freedom to infect as many people as I can with my virus that I spent ages on and I saw that JABcinda earned more than…
*I put the phone down again, I’m sorry I am a bad journalist. I got bored and wanted to watch Euphoria*
Thank you for making me laugh about this 💛 Having several family members attending the protest, I have felt at best exasperated and at worst hopeless with a lot of humanity lately. I cannot fathom their lack of kindness, compassion, and empathy, yet that is all they bellow about. I guess what I’m saying is that I don’t know how to pull these people I care about out of the rabbit hole, and how to deal with how enraging who they have become is Maybe they have always been this way, but I’ve just never seen them in this light before? Or is this radicalisation? Anyway, excuse my ramblings, I’m just feeling so very heavy about it all, so thank you again for this wonderful piece 💛
So many people seem to refuse to see what was caused by a pandemic - a literal worldwide emergency - and blame the Government for the difficult but necessary actions taken to protect us...as if the Government took those actions just to be mean.