Give it a year...

Emily Writes Weekly

Welcome to Emily Writes Weekly again. It’s a special day. It’s officially one year since I went full-time writing this newsletter. I can’t quite believe it and I’ve had a little weep because I’m so happy about it.

For so long my husband and I have had super hard conversations about my writing - it has all basically been: Should we keep doing this?

I have struggled under the weight of many jobs in a gig economy with no income security. I haven’t had any stability with my income for a long time and I’ve had to take on many frankly quite shitty jobs to be able to subsidise being a writer.

I’ve felt like I was being a shitty parent because I couldn’t afford things that I thought my kids deserved. I knew if I just did a comms job full-time I’d be able to give them things…things I couldn’t give them on a writer’s income.

Few people understand that writers don’t get paid jack. They think if you have a successful book you’ll be rolling in it (I also thought this until I saw the royalty cheques).

Then there was the mental health impact of having your work dissected and sifted through to find the BAD THING you might have said (or might not have said) by people who are desperate to show their hatred of you is justified. The constant DMs of abuse from misogynists, the racists, anti-vaxxers and QAnon types.

But I love writing. It’s what I kept coming back to - I love it so much. And I feel like it matters. And I wanted to keep doing it. So I had to figure out what to do…

Last year, my husband and I decided we would give it a year. One year to see if my writing was good enough to be able to sustain itself. If it wasn’t - I’d quit. If it was - I’d keep doing it.

You made the decision for me. You signed up and supported me and paid for a subscription and because of you I can keep writing! Thank you! Thank you! Thank you!

Because of you I can keep writing. This newsletter - you - have changed my life. For the first time I have income stability. Yes, people come and go and unsubscribe and that’s hard but it’s life - but mostly, I am OK! Month to month, we can pay the bills! It might not be a big income but we’ve never had much of an income so it’s fine lol.

My husband can keep being a teacher aide (he’s really good at it). And I can keep writing. And my kids get a happier, healthier version of me.

More beautiful than anything is the lovely community we have - this place is a little oasis from the garbage fire out there. Y’all are SO lovely to me and each other. People have bought gift subscriptions for those who can’t afford to be subscribers, you’ve organised meal trains, you’ve donated to causes through The Call, got behind social justice campaigns like funding CGMs, you’ve gotten in touch about passing on donated face masks to the Awhi Ngā Mātua community.

Many of you have paid above the suggested annual subscription fee, you’ve shared posts far and wide to invite others into the community, and you’ve been there for me through some pretty dark days.

Last year when I went through a depressive episode, I kept writing to you - and you kept writing back. And it was incredible to know I wasn’t alone. You believed I’d get better, and I did. You stuck by me.

My third book is at the publishers and that’s because of you. I am so grateful that you’ve allowed me to put another book into the world. Your kindness, generosity, and patience with me is something I’ll forever be grateful for.

I feel like my role at Awhi Ngā Mātua is also because of you - I finally have space in my life to give back to the community that has given me so much.

It’s so LOVELY. And I am so overwhelmed sometimes by how lovely it is.

So this is a big thank you. Thank you for choosing to send $7 a month my way. Thank you for choosing our whānau to support. It means the world and I will never have enough words to thank you.

But here’s two: Thank you.

x

Thank you also to my long-suffering husband. My platonic lovers - Gem, Vee, Tamsyn, Jodie, Becka, Miriam and Jean. My also long-suffering editors Terry and Jessica. Duncan Greive for telling me I should write a newsletter back before the pandemic and helping me to do it. Thanks to The Spinoff for still being my friends even though I’m not really writing there anymore. Particularly Alice Neville and Catherine McGregor for continuing to help me when they don’t have to. Thank you David Farrier for encouraging me to take the risk. And thank you Hamish McKenzie, the New Zealander who co-founded Substack, for believing in me. x

Here’s a photo of me from 2015 when I first started this writing journey, with me is a very happy Lil Ham who is now a very happy big Ham.