How to get your child to sleep on Christmas Eve in ten easy steps
I wrote this post in 2018! And now I’m here in 2024 watching a film with my two kids. I could never have imagined that in 2018. In 2018 I would have been completely focused on the bedtime routine and it still would not have worked!
Now, with a nine and twelve year old I’m just so grateful that I’m lucky enough to have kids that have got to grow up.
Sleep will be what it is tonight - but it will be much easier than it was with toddlers and babies.
So this is for those parents! A trip down memory lane for me and big solidarity for those parents doing the looong night.
Arohanui and merry merry Christmas to you all x here’s the only thing still keeping me up at night!
Here are my easy steps for getting your child to sleep on Christmas Eve.
1. Keep your normal routine
Yes it’s Christmas Eve, but you must calmly explain to your children that it’s still just a normal night and they need a good sleep so that they’re not tired. They’ll listen to you. Promise. In our house this is our routine, feel free to adopt it:
Story
OK one more story
OK bath time!
Hop in the bath sweetheart!
I said bath.
Bath please.
BATH!
BATH NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Get your clothes off!
NOW!
CLOTHES OFF!
OFF. OFF. OFF.
NO you can’t wear your socks in the bath!
BATH
BATH
Then we put on PJs.
PJs please!
PJS.
I won’t say it again. Do I need to say it again?
I’m counting to three.
Bed time.
Lights off.
I got you water.
Teddy is with you.
No you can’t.
It’s bed time.
Bed.
Turn the light back off.
Routines work on normal nights so they’ll definitely work on Christmas Eve. Just ask your children nicely to go to bed. Oh that doesn’t work for you? I guess my kids just respect me as their parent. Maybe you could work on being a calmer parent at bed time. Less stimulation. Have a routine. Fewer toys. Fewer lights. What colour is their bedroom wall? Paint it you lazy bitch.
2. Relax! It’s Christmas Eve!
So your kids are up a bit later. Relax! You don’t have anything to do on Christmas Eve. Santa will do it. Santa will wrap the presents and put them under the try and Santa will drink the wine. Leave out red wine for him. Stop drinking the red wine. Make cookies. Decorate cookies with the children. SMILE IT’S CHRISTMAS. Read a special Christmas story. A special one. That’s not special enough. Try harder. Do you want them to remember this Christmas or not? You’re trying too hard. Your kids will be brats. Try hard but not too hard.
3. OK now do your normal routine
OK so you let them open one present, read one Christmas story, put on Christmas PJs. Now you can do the bedtime routine. Repeat step one. Remember though, don’t use Santa as a threat against children. It’s not fair. You need to be better than that OK? Christmas is a time for Christmas cheer.
4. DO YOU WANT ME TO CANCEL CHRISTMAS BECAUSE I WILL
Do you? I will call Santa right now. I will call him. I’m calling. I’m calling. It’s 11pm. OK? He will put you on his naughty list. He will take your toys.
5. Look at you, you’re a mess
That wine was for Santa. You’re a disgrace. Those cookies look like garbage. The kids didn’t even like them. And your pretzel reindeer cookies don’t look anything like Christmas Mom’s Pinterest board. What are you doing with your life. You’re 33. You should be better than this OK?
6. You’re doing your best look it’s fine
Just put on that Christmas movie again. It’s fine. So they stay up till 1am. It’s OK. You can do the presents after. You’re a good mum. It’s OK. Technically you’re Santa so you can have a wine. Look the little one is almost asleep and then you can put out the presents. It’s only 12.30am – heaps of time.
7. OK maybe start the normal routine again
You might be able to trick them. You might make them think it’s 7pm instead of 1.30am.
8. Call your sister. Her kids aren’t in bed either. See it’s fine.
Watch that Christmas movie again. Lust after Kurt Russell. Wonder what it says about you that you’d fuck a man in a Santa suit. Can you be a feminist and objectify men? Yes, you decide. Objectification is based on power. The balance of power is what matters – women are policed for their sexual desires all the time by men. It is an act of rebellion to revel in your sexuality and fantasies as a woman, and particularly as a mother. The Madonna/whore complex is particularly brutal on new mothers with their changing bodies. To live openly as a sexual being when you’re a mother is to be visible, to embrace that visibility. You can want to fuck the patriarchy and Dwayne The Rock Johnson.
9. Log into Facebook
Oh god I’m a terrible mother.
10. Log into Instagram
How is your house so tidy are you on speed or something? Is speed even a thing these days? Why does everyone have Dysons? Do I want a Dyson now?
10a. Maybe you could just put the presents out now and they won’t even notice?
You could set the alarm for 3am. Surely they’ll be in bed by then, I mean it’s 2.45am.
10b. Look at photos of your kids on your phone
Oh they’re so perfect. Christmas is so wonderful. What beautiful babies. They make me so happy. NO YOU’RE NOT HAVING ANY MORE WATER. NOBODY IS THAT THIRSTY OK JUST GO TO BED. Look at their sweet little faces. They’re such good kids. What did I ever do to get such good kids. GO TO SLEEP. What angels they are. So perfect. So wonderful. I can’t wait for tomorrow. They are going to love their presents so-GO TO SLEEP OR CHRISTMAS IS CANCELLED.
10c. Sure you can stay up, mummy doesn’t care any more
Oh you’re going to go to bed then? OK great. Goodnight.
10d. They’re asleep! At least they will sleep late!
Lol they won’t.
Merry Christmas to all and to all a good night! X
Dont think I ever said Santa won't come if you don't go to bed/sleep when my kids were little, they're adults now. Def never threatened to cancel Xmas as I loved seeing the delight on their wee faces when tearing off the wrapping paper. Xmas was a magical day when I was a kid, sometimes at home, sometimes at our crib with grandma...happy days.
"here’s the only thing still keeping me up at night!"
Jinxle bells, jinxle bells, jinx jinx jinxed it now...
My darling older boy said, at 8:57pm, "Well... I'm ready for sleep." He's usually asleep at 9, but on holiday he's having to sleep with little bro in the same bed. They were both asleep not too long after, almost as if they have no excitement, which is possible because we haven't ever explained/done Santa and their gift from us was too big to bring away and we already told them that. We've only put two presents under the tree, for the two cousins, but about an hour ago the in laws all brought out big piles of gifts and I fear there has been a miscommunication somewhere along the line. Uh oh.
I don't know how I got so Xmas stingy - growing up, me and my siblings gave each other gifts and we also got one each from mum and dad, and each gave our parents gifts too, plus had stockings! But here my kids only get gifts from mumndad combined, and this year it's a combined gift for them both, so just the one thing. And my parents are giving them extra components for that same one thing. It's a good thing, at least, we hope!