How to spot a fanatic
Wading into the swamp where all the fish have "vaccine injuries"
Content warning: Transphobia, anti-Semitism, anti-vaxx crap. Take care.
So, I’ve mostly been lying in bed lamenting my lack of ability to do, well…anything. They yeeted my gallbladder but I feel like they also yeeted all of my energy reserves. I am Mario, rapidly losing coins. But like Mario, I will not die. I will just respawn. Forever. What a nightmare for transphobic anti-vaxxers on the internet.
From my horizontal position, I’ve grown tired of scrolling Instagram and rolling my eyes at every family having a wonderful school holiday (I know I’m an asshole - I actually want families to have wonderful school holidays, I’m just going stir crazy). My unwarranted annoyance at Instagram’s shiny happy families has made me trek through the digital wilderness to the worst place. No not Twitter, the other, equally worst place: Facebook.
And your girl just couldn’t help herself could she? She just had to make a comment requesting that the Breakfast show moderate their comments so one of their guests didn’t have to face a thousand vile, hate-filled shit-posts about them.
WHAT A FOOL!
Anyway, the transphobes like little lemmings running off a hill all came rushing over and spilled their guts as they do. It’s been a while since I’ve been in that space. I haven’t been on Twitter (spiritual home of the transphobe) since 2018. And mostly I’m here, where everyone is emphatically Not A Dick.
It made me realise that the scene has changed but it has changed very subtly. I thought I’d outline the new tells and the old tells for spotting a fanatic.
Let’s go!
Music - Bad
The fanatic listens to Kid Rock. Obviously. But also country, but not good country like Tami Neilson. Bad country. That ‘modern/stadium’ country. That kind of country Bo Burnham sings about - “No shirt, No shoes, No Jews, you didn’t hear that…” Also Limp Bizkit.
Access to his kids - limited
Every dude transphobe sending me abuse on Facebook looks like the stereotype of a guy who has to have supervised visits with his kids (kids who hate his guts). He only has weekend visitation rights but doesn’t actually visit his kids despite those rights. He uses that time to harass the mother of his children and complain about trans people online.
Women - Barefoot in the kitchen please
I know we already knew they hate women. It’s not news. But it’s worth saying anyway. Every transphobe dude online is also the guy at a club who calls you a slut if you politely ask him to leave you alone. Their profile photos are them alone - shirtless or in a singlet (to show their gender affirming steroid muscles). But if you scroll back through their always open Facebook profile you’ll see a wedding photo from 10 years back. The woman’s name in grey - a sign she’s blocked him.
Cyclists - hatred bordering on psychopathy
Every transphobe telling you that you have a woke mind virus is the kind of guy who screams at you from his car because you’re on a bike and he feels personally victimised by cycleways. He’s a member of Facebook community groups up and down the country just so he can complain about cycleways. Just so he can say “well handicapped people can’t ride bikes checkmate you commie”.
Vaccinations - are full of babies!
What do you do when you said everybody would die from the Covid vaccine but then they didn’t die? You pivot. Now they’re going to die from *checks notes* trans people? No wait, trans people are part of the elite and ummm the elite drink the blood of children and….
They can’t remember what they’re meant to believe so this is about the point where they’ll call you a groomer.
After making a comment in support of a trans friend I was told I was “another unwititng [sic] pharma slave. Peddling ideologies that sell drugs to kids. Good job. Too woke to know better. Peace and love though”.
Which, you know - at least he recognised I was doing my job as an unwititng pharma slave well. Much nicer than my boss Gavin Pharma who told me I’d not turned enough babies into trans zombies to get a bonus.
MMA and boxing - because someone got hit in the head too many times
Every one of the men who called me a paedo and made transphobic comments on Facebook had at least one post praising Israel Adesanya. They all watch or partake in MMA or boxing and are obsessed with the UFC. But I’m sure that’s just a coincidence. I’m sure MMA isn’t just a gateway drug to being a massive fuckhead. It just looks like that because they’re all massive fuckheads.
Inspirational slogans - love ‘em
Every second post they share is an inspirational quote about cancel culture and how the Leftist Elite Snowflake Woke Minority are “easily offended”. This is ironic given they literally shit the bed and run screaming whenever they see a vegan or a rainbow.
You can’t even list the amount of things that they’re offended by - gay beer, flags, top hats with devil horns on them, scientists, sequins, sex education, drag queens, almond milk, bike lanes, waters (one water is fine, two waters is fine, three waters? OVER MY DEAD BODY), women twerking, people not liking Harry Potter but also the general themes of Harry Potter, Radio NZ, books…
They’re also very into bad memes. Like the worst, most nonsensical memes ever. Like minions saying “Call this a woman?” and whatever this is:
God bless the haters
I will say that actually, a lot of them are hugely fond of intense religious art that actually goes kind of hard. Like, deeply sexy Jesus art where Jesus is super ripped and carrying children on his shoulders. They like their Jesus white and very bulked up - as if he turned water into wine but then turned the wine into a Muscle Blaster 5000 Protein Powder Shake. They’re in awe of Jesus but also horny for Jesus. It’s confusing and so I can understand why they seem so sexually frustrated and super pressed by how turned on they are by drag entertainers.
Interestingly, despite naming themselves as Christians - they seem to have not read the bible or even know the basic tenets of Christianity beyond “Belief in God the Father, Jesus Christ as the Son of God, and the Holy Spirit.”. They’re very against the whole - We are saved by grace. And the uhh You shall love your neighbor as yourself… And uhh the whole - Do not let kindness and truth leave you; Bind them around your neck, Write them on the tablet of your heart.
Side note: A lot of them are part of Destiny Church. Aka the Eftpos Evangelicals. No surprise there.
Buzzwords and more buzzwords
Oh how they love a buzzword. “Groomer” is obviously a favourite right now but you can spot a fantatic by their language quite easily….Here’s a glossary of sorts…
Woke: Anything that the fanatic doesn’t understand or is confused by is woke.
Transctivist: Anyone who thinks trans people have a right to existence. This basically labels every single person except them an activist. Which….I wish mate.
Leftist: Everyone who is even remotely skeptical about the claim that Jacinda Adern eats babies.
Propaganda: Everything they don’t agree with. And if you say “Propaganda this, propaganda that, how about I prop a ganda at them titties” they get really upset.
Pronouns: Literally the worst thing that has ever happened to language. But if you don’t use their pronouns they have a nervous breakdown so checkmate I guess.
Free thinker: Believes anything PatriotJesus69 says on Youtube.
Truther: Believes anything TradWifeMom420 says on Youtube.
Questions - She’s got ‘em
Transphobes will hit you with a question so random it will have you staring at your phone thinking you’ve somehow dropped into an alternate universe. You’ll say something like: “looks like a great show” on a drag entertainer’s Facebook page and they’ll come out with:
“WOW! WOW OK SO YOU BELIEVE TEACHERS SHOULD BE ABLE TO COME TO SCHOOL NAKED EXCEPT FOR A HAT MADE OF BUTT PLUGS AND FORCE MY GRANDSON BUCK TO CHANGE HIS NAME TO BUCKELLA?”
And as you read that and try to figure out what is going on they’ll hit you with:
“SO YOU THINK KNOWN PEDOFILES AND KNOWN CHILD ABUSERS SHOULD BE ABLE TO VACCINATE FOETUSES WITH THE TRANS BLOOD OF JACINDA ADERN IS THAT IT? IS THAT REALLY WHAT YOU THINK?”
It’s completely bamboozling which I think is the point?
It’s basically the internet version of Bob Katter but more unhinged. Just replace the crocodile with drag queens or sex education or trans people.
But probably what is most common thing (and I’m not sure if it makes me feel better or worse) - is that most of the profiles of transphobic fanatics commenting on NZ stories are based in the UK, US, or Russia. Many just seem like Russian bots.
It’s an import business.
At this point we all know bigotry has to be taught. In a way it’s a lot like a virus - it spreads easily. We can inoculate ourselves against it through common sense, education, rational thinking…But it is a real team effort to keep it under control.
We need all of us doing what we can to stop this virus infecting people and turning them into shells of human beings. I know these people, based on their easy and public hatred, must have fractured and complicated relationships with family and they must have few friends. I can’t imagine they’re people their children or siblings or parents would want around at Easter.
Isolation for this virus of bigotry might be the worst thing though…Still, some are so sick, there’s no way you - a stranger - can help them. And as much as every time I read a piece saying we should be gentle and patient with conspiracy theorists and bigots - I just want them to fuck off and stop being so awful.
So what to do? Well, that’s a very big question. And sadly, it’s not one I - a leftist woke shill for Big Trans can answer, as I’m too busy vaccinating your mum against her wishes.
But maybe someone, somewhere - out there in the internet world - can tell us what needs to change? What can we do? Can we do anything? Or are we just destined to stream roll ahead into the Satantic Panic 2.0?
I haven’t read the term “eftpos evangelical” before and I love it. That has enriched my life 😂
I’d much rather have my kids spend time with people like Hugo Grrrl than the white froth at the corner of their mouths musty ass destiny church too concerned with other people’s genitals crowd.