"I'm just asking questions" and other things narcissists say

Imagine thinking a pandemic exists to make you uncomfortable

I’ve been sent some screenshots of some shitty behaviour online by “influencers” slash instagrammer types. Strap in for a good old fashioned rant.

A week or so ago New Zealanders collectively said “Oh hell no!” to a bunch of influencers on Instagram pushing “Covid-19 is a plandemic” rubbish.

The influencers were shocked. They’re used to never being held accountable for anything. They’d been dropped by the businesses that paid them and their follower numbers dipped too.

They quickly locked their accounts, deleted their stories, and claimed they were “victims of bullying”. After taking a few days to work out how they can keep getting paid without doing any accountability work whatsoever they’ve come back out - with new “back-up” accounts. (As an aside, the back-up account situation is hilarious to me. They genuinely think Instagram is trying to censor some feeble influencer who spends their days informing their thousands of followers that you make a kale, celery, and beet smoothie by putting kale, celery, and beets into a blender. Girl, you’re not Edward Snowden).

These influencers still want and need attention but I think they were genuinely surprised by the pushback they got. So a new approach must be taken. This seems to be it:

Step one: Search the internet for any “expert” who disagrees with the Government approach. Even if that expert or group of experts has had their claims challenged or debunked.

This is so wildly easy. You can’t walk outside without tripping over a different opinion on how to handle Covid 19. This is normal and part of a healthy democracy. Most people read the info put out by Plan B back in May when it was published. Then they read the response to Plan B straight afterward. Because that’s what you do. You look at all the evidence, you don’t just stop because you found someone whose response you agree with.

It’s quite simple - If you read the response to claims that we need to just live with Covid 19 you will quite quickly realise it’s not a good idea to just live with Covid 19.

Step two: Tell your followers to “do their research”.

Like you have. Because you searched for the answer you wanted. Read it. Agreed with it because it’s the view you already had, then closed your mind to every other viewpoint because it doesn’t suit you.

This isn’t research. It’s confirmation bias.

Step three: When people point out this is confirmation bias - respond by saying you’re just asking questions.

Except, you’re not asking questions because you’ve already decided what the answer is. Covid 19 isn’t that bad because you think it won’t impact you personally. Covid 19 can’t be contained because you personally don’t like lockdown because it’s annoying spending this much time with your husband. Masks don’t work because you just spent $65 on a new lipstick and nobody can see it if you’re wearing a mask. You want to go on holiday and this pesky pandemic is ruining your plans to get an all-over tan in time for summer.

One screenshot sent to me had an influencer trying to cover their tracks by saying “I personally just want answers in such an uncertain time” before they shared a bunch of BS about the government and how you can’t eradicate Covid 19. Imagine thinking you’re the only person who wants clarity during a global pandemic?

Everyone wants answers. We all want to know what happens now. The difference is that we recognise sometimes there just isn’t an answer yet. And we don’t fill that longing with conspiracy theories.

When my son got sick I honestly searched the entire internet trying to work out how he got sick. Why did he get sick? Why didn’t I see? Was it my fault? Was there a genetic link? Why did it happen now? What is the best way to treat it? Is there a cure?

It’s thought the term “diabetes” was first coined in 250BC. 250 BC! Some folks believe they discovered it because people were drinking each other’s piss (and we complain about a Covid nose-swab!) You know what one of the first “cures” suggested for diabetes was? Horse-riding.

It wasn’t until 1889 that doctors discovered the pancreas was the key to understanding diabetes. It wasn’t until 1910 that Sir Edward Albert Sharpey-Schafer found that diabetes resulted from lack of insulin.

In 1922, 14-year-old Leonard Thompson became the first person to receive an injection of insulin to treat diabetes. Thompson lived another 13 years before dying of pneumonia at age 27.

Do you think his mum wanted some answers?

Do you know when they discovered the cure for type one diabetes? They haven’t! Because diseases and viruses are complex! Despite being around since 250BC there’s no cure for type one diabetes. No vaccine. Nothing you can do.

When Covid-19 first arrived people thought it was because of bat-eating. They thought children couldn’t catch it. They thought it only killed old people. Ways they treated people just a month ago have changed. Hydroxychloroquine was suggested as a cure or preventative measure against Covid 19 but more and more studies (like this one) are now suggesting it isn’t effective. People suggested we should go the way of Sweden - Sweden recorded its highest death toll in 150 years in the first half of 2020, in a count not seen since 1869 during their famine.

Covid 19 is changing every day. We all want answers. But honestly, how selfish do you have to be to demand them from the comfort of your own home where you’re not impacted at all except that you have to stay home for two weeks. Just two weeks.

I’ve lost a third of my income due to Covid-19. My play’s tour was cancelled after a year of planning. We all lost months of work. We only just rebooked The Court Theatre in Christchurch and were meant to begin a run there this coming Friday.

I complain sure. But I wouldn’t go onto Instagram moaning about how I want Jacinda to hurry up and know everything there is to know about Covid-19 because it’s annoying me not knowing?

It’s almost like if you’re someone who actually cares about other people you recognise that we need to do the safest, most sensible option that protects our most vulnerable people, until we know more.

Step four: Claim the spread of Covid 19 is inevitable.

Your greatest skill is shoving a phone in your child’s face while they try to play and then streaming that to thousands and thousands of strangers so you’re clearly qualified to say that you understand Covid 19 and it’s inevitable that it won’t go away.

Imagine thinking that that’s the best way to contribute to your community in a time when people are frightened, overwhelmed, upset, and looking for guidance.

Imagine that that’s your response to people who are following you, paying you, supporting you, and caring for you.

Yes, I’m raging. But this rage is born from being so fucking tired of people being so selfish. I had such high hopes that this pandemic would force sheltered people to finally start to look beyond their bubbles and see the needs of others.

Friends of mine who also have immune compromised kids talked about how amazing it was that we might see a change where everybody recognised that going to work or going out sick put people at risk. Where people walked in the shoes of those who have been in lockdown their whole lives, through no fault of their own.

And you see this and just think - WHY. Why are you like this?

Today we celebrated Eddie’s Brave Day. One year being brave with Type One. The year before we were hoping to celebrate one year without a hospital admission. We got to five months.

I would not wish that on my worst enemy. But I do wish these influencers could just take one moment to consider others, to step outside their own comfort zones, their own bubbles (metaphorically) and actually consider if they’re asking the right questions.

You desperately want to just ask questions? How about you just ask yourself the following:

Do I care about my neighbour? Do I care about their parent? Their child?

Do I accept that I cannot have all of the answers right now?

Do I accept that my comfort is secondary to taking the time to understand this virus more so when big decisions about eradication or “living with it” are made, they’re made with care and compassion?

Do I think I can handle another week inside my nice, warm, dry home with my steady income and health privilege?

Because those folks in cold, damp homes, already sick, who have lost their incomes - those who you never advocate for? They’re inside for you. Despite everything you say, everything you do, they are inside for you. For me. For the community. Don’t make their sacrifice worthless.

Image credit: Walela Nehanda