Scoop: Squid Game Public Sector to be filmed in wellington

And it’s all thanks to the coalition government!

Global streaming behemoth Nutflix has confirmed that a controversial new show will be filmed in the capital - and it’s all thanks to the coalition government.

In an Emily Writes Weekly exclusive, we can confirm that Squid Game:Public Sector will begin immediately in Wellington.

Squid Game is a show based on a capitalist dystopia where contestants must fight for their lives and a cash prize in the face of horrific torture.

Executive producer of the new series Joe King said that the coalition government had approached Nutflix with an offer they couldn’t refuse.

“Basically, they blew us away. They said we could come in and film in Public Sector offices around Wellington and we wouldn’t need to script anything because they had spent months already ramping up the psychological torture.”

King said the fact that the coalition government had no regard whatsoever for the lives of public servants who would be the contestants in the show was a big plus.

“We could tell that they just really loathe public servants and we would not face any hurdles in treating them poorly. The government had already been dehumanising them for months and months. It was perfect for us to be able to come in and just have all of these already broken people to film.”

Nutflix CEO Nat Trew agreed, saying the government provided new and fresh ideas for making people feel like they’re worthless.

"We thought we were good at the horror stuff you know? But it’s nothing on your government. They have a real sadistic streak that we just really appreciated. And they were clear that they would allow us to do absolutely anything at all - no matter how depraved - if they could save a few thousand dollars. Even if it was only a short term saving and would cost them in the long run!”

Deputy Prime Minister David Seymour said he was excited to see what Squid Game: Public Sector would bring to the capital.

“It might not save us a single dime, and many, many hard working people’s lives will be destroyed and people will slide into poverty and despair, but I have to make sure ACT donors are happy. And they’re bored - they want blood, so I’m going to give them blood.”

A public sector worker who wanted to remain anonymous in case Finance Minister Nicola Willis burnt her house down said that she accepted her fate.

“Look, I don’t care anymore. Morale is so low that I figured it wouldn’t be long before they did something like this to save money. Public Servants have been repeatedly attacked for more than a year - even prior to the election we were a scapegoat for people desperate to pretend late stage capitalism isn’t going to destroy us all.”

“They thought it didn’t matter since they don’t know anyone in the Public Sector but once they’re done with us, they’ll come for the next lot. And then who is going to stand up for them?

“Oh God is that Nicola Willis? I have to run. God she’s got a machete!”.

King and Trew remained tight-lipped on what public servants would face in the game. But a document leaked to Emily Writes Weekly outlined some of the planned ‘activities’.

• Contestants will have to run from Wellington CBD business owners who will chase them and then if caught public sector workers will have to watch as their bank accounts are drained. If they’re caught by business owners before the ten minute sirens then their children’s piggy banks will also be taken.

• Nicola Willis will host a work-from-home musical chairs with a twist. She will force contestants to run a gauntlet through a CBD building that isn’t earthquake strengthened and only has enough desks and equipment for one third of staff. Any staff who don’t find a table to hot desk will be eliminated and turned into car parks.

• Ministers will choose public servants to beat parents and carers of disabled children with two-by-fours. Production Note: This isn’t an elimination, Louise Upston petitioned to have it included as part of the deal “for fun”.

• To celebrate Mental Health Day, rabies infected black dogs will chase public servants down Lambton Quay as Nicola Willis announces over a load speaker that coming into the office is good for staff morale.

• In an immunity round, Public Servants can win their life if they can successfully convince David Seymour and Chris Bishop that they’re teenagers on Snapchat.

Filming for Squid Game: Public Sector is believed to be underway now.

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