A beautiful mess

On tour I tried to write stories to read out on stage - this one was inspired by the road and the show and I thought I’d share it here too. I hope you like it.

Before I had kids I was so afraid of messing them up. I now know the ‘will I mess it up’ question is one many folks have.

I’m eleven years into parenting now and I think I know some of the answer to that question. And it’s that - yes. You will mess it up. But you’ll also fix it up. And then mess it up again. Then fix it. And mess it up again.

Life is messy. Anything worth doing is high stakes. Whether you decide to be a parent or not - whether you get that choice or you don’t - you will will be terrified to screw up something. And whatever it is - if it matters, it’ll probably be messy.

But it will be a beautiful mess.

I have learned that I don’t want an easy life. I want a life that’s real - a life where it’s sometimes messy and it’s sometimes hard. I want this not because I think I can handle it, I think it’s quite clear I have a delicate temperament.

I want it because life with meaning is the life I want. 

We’re living in scary times I think. That’s part of why I wanted to travel around and chat and do a bunch of shows. I want to be with people - people who like me are a bit messy, a bit scared, a bit nervous, probably very tired, but definitely trying.

In scary times, when I feel powerless around what’s happening in the world, I know that being with others helps. It reminds me that while I might not have power on my own, I’m part of a collective.

When I don’t feel brave, I know courage is contagious, and I just need to be around people who are willing to try, even when they’re scared to know that I can do the same.

When I’m furious - when I’m angry at this government or the way people are treating each other, I know that it’s in community where I’ll find kindness, where I’ll find people who will help me to be better and do better but also to share my rage and help me turn it into action.

My son has made the world feel both bigger and smaller than I ever imagined it. Some days he cannot leave our room, it’s all too scary for him. The world is so very loud for him. And it’s then that the world shrinks for me.

But other days he tells me about how there’s a place in Alaska called Whittier. 

In Whittier everyone in the city lives under one roof. Under this one roof is the kindy, the school, the supermarket, the doctor’s surgery, the mayor’s office, the hair dresser, the post office, a church, the bank and playgrounds for the children. It’s all there, under one roof. 

They live like this because there’s no other way to keep warm. When the weather turns bad in Whittier you cannot go outside. You’re stuck. And when you’re stuck - you need your neighbour.

Whittier.

I believe this is true for all of us.

When it’s too hard, when we’re scared, when we’re overwhelmed, when we’ve made a mess of it - we need each other more than anything.

When my son tells me about far off cities I’ve never heard of - the world feels big again. He tells me about the desperate cold of Whittier and it warms my heart.

I think of the towers, and I think about hitting the road, meeting new people, making a mess, trying even when I’m scared. And I think - this is a story to share.

A story for anyone who has ever felt like they’re making a mess of it, anyone who is searching for courage, anyone who needs a helping hand.

Let’s make a mess together. A beautiful mess.