Thankyou for your courage, honesty and bloody good mothering - bugger the smart kids who have "no sleep in my bed" (as one of mine told me - that little rascal only needed 8 hours sleep in any 24 hr stint from. when he was 6 months old). I thought I would go completely bonkers(Maybe I am). He's now an adult and a damn good dad to his own kids who dish him up some of the same shenanigans that he gave me. So many women with little and bigger ones need to know there is a sisterhood speaking out and supporting them to parent kindly to their kids and themselves, even when they feel like shit on toast. And screw the 'Influencers' , it's so much BS. There is a difference between 'influencer' (as in taut insta bum cheeks in G string, 'inspirational' 6pack abs hubby and perfectly organised beige home with kids in matching sage, rust and ochre outfits sitting calmly on clean white couch) and "Influence" You have REAL influence that is making a difference to the sanity of families. PS. I don't have a thermomix either (no offence to anyone who loves theirs - I love my slow cooker) and my mail is stacked on my bench unopened, next to the dishes piled up waiting to be dealt with.
they will be awesome and interesting - they have been modelled by you and their dad. I laughed inwardly as my grandson told me about a note a teacher had sent home - "about my behaviour'. I asked what his dad had said. 'He told me you had some letters like this'. Sure did! Then the next week he auditioned and got the lead in the school musical (he's first year at high school). Payback is pretty sweet.
Thanks for writing this Emily. I read that post on your Facebook and scrolled through some of the comments and there were so many mums talking about what a fucking nightmare night-time is for them, and some of it was hard to read.
I know you have been getting those kinds of comments for a lot of years now. So many mother's reaching out, almost literally, begging to be understood, comforted, held in the way they hold their children through the night. I'm there too. And I find it painful to see how much we are all struggling.
I don't believe it has always been this hard. People used to grow up in small communities or iwi where bringing up children was woven into the fabric of everyday life, for every member of the community. No one was expected to do it all alone. Children all slept communally; siblings, cousins, second cousins. Children were not expected to be able to sleep alone. That was clearly not something people thought a child should have to do.
So why do we think that now? Why are we determined to make children sleep alone? Why is that a win? Why are we determined to make our children as independent as possible from the earliest possible age? Why did people tut-tut at my sister in law for carrying her son until he was two, even though he was physically disabled? Why did people ask me when I was going to move the cot out of my bedroom?
I have so many thoughts on this topic.... Sorry for the rant but this is a nice place to share!!
I'm with you all the way Emily. Thanks for being real, always ❤️
So I'm parenting a child I didn't give birth to who has suffered trauma and it's completely different to how you're "supposed" to parent. I know I'm doing it right because I've spent A LOT of time learning how to parent this child but man, the negative comments, the "when will you tell her to just get over it" comments really wear you down. This post has been such a balm to my beat up soul...
Parenting must be the hardest role in life. You do what you think is best and what works for you and your whanau. When you have a child or children seen as 'different', the road becomes that much harder. It is hard not to seek approval or to forge your own path. We all have doubts. To help get me through days on end that were challenging and so so hard - I used to read a message I left for myself written in lipstick ( I hardly ever had time to actually apply it to my own lips) on the mirror in our bathroom. It said " Remember - You are amazing!' And I forced myself to believe it. It helped. No approval ratings, no looking sideways - just keep doing what works for you.
Oh I remember that time so much! It gets sooooo much easier in my opinion. Even when I’m exhausted now, it’s nothing compared to how exhausted I was when I had two under five. X
Laura I have been there with the 1 and 4 and it DOES get easier. You are doing so well, and the fact that you're even worrying about it means you are a good parent because you care. You will get (some) sleep back and it does get better. Hang in there mama x
Thank you ❤️ it’s hard to feel like I’m doing gentle parenting “right” because sometimes I’m still like OH DEAR SWEET BABY ODIN GO THE FUUU TO SLEEP then proceed to feel terrible about feeling grumpy instead of trying to discuss feelings calmly with an under 2 year old at 3 am.
Very much needed to read this today! Gentle parenting definitely went out the f****ING window in our house for a bit - I've got a 6mth old and a 3yo and everyone's sick and ratty AF and I yelled the house down today, oops.
Oh shit yes, I love everything about this. I felt so seen by that post about Ham and sleep. Sometimes it feels like everybody else sleep trained their baby and now they sleep 7-7 every night with lie ins at the weekend, and ive broken my kid by trying to meet him where he is. Thanks for reminding me of the real xx
Thank you for your utter honesty Emily about the real reality of your parenting, loving your kids to bits, and finding it really hard. I find it so refreshing. We need more honesty about how we all are different, with different kids, and how we all manage different things in different ways, and we do our best, and it's all ok. Thank you for your part in making this conversation happen.
Parenting - It is the hardest job in the world, and the greatest love affair!
"If you are finding it really hard - there is nothing nothing nothing wrong with you. You do not have to parent like me or anyone else. It’s just really hard."
THIS RIGHT HERE. This should be shown to every parent. I love how you cut through the bullshit Emily. It's just really hard.
I’m sitting on my sofa (ok, lying…) with my three year comfort-pulling on my hair (teddies are so first kid) and crying. Because I really needed to read that post. Parenting i so hard, and most of the time I feel crap at it. You inspire me to be a better parent, without making me feel bad. So thanks for that! And the giggles/laughs. Thanks for those too ❤️
Please give yourself permission to take the time you need for yourself during daylight hours. Carving out space during the day and then going to bed at 7.30 is a great way to get more sleep xx
How are you able to afford therapy once a week? (Which is awesome) I’d love to at least go once a month but have to pay the full ticket price so I can’t afford it. I used to go fortnightly in Melbourne but I only paid $80 a session. I’m regularly very bloody grateful to my therapist from that time.
I can’t afford it. My therapist sees me free as part of community work she does! If not I would not be able to do it. I dedicated my book to her, she gave me my life back and I’m so sad that therapy is so out of reach for so many.
Thankyou for your courage, honesty and bloody good mothering - bugger the smart kids who have "no sleep in my bed" (as one of mine told me - that little rascal only needed 8 hours sleep in any 24 hr stint from. when he was 6 months old). I thought I would go completely bonkers(Maybe I am). He's now an adult and a damn good dad to his own kids who dish him up some of the same shenanigans that he gave me. So many women with little and bigger ones need to know there is a sisterhood speaking out and supporting them to parent kindly to their kids and themselves, even when they feel like shit on toast. And screw the 'Influencers' , it's so much BS. There is a difference between 'influencer' (as in taut insta bum cheeks in G string, 'inspirational' 6pack abs hubby and perfectly organised beige home with kids in matching sage, rust and ochre outfits sitting calmly on clean white couch) and "Influence" You have REAL influence that is making a difference to the sanity of families. PS. I don't have a thermomix either (no offence to anyone who loves theirs - I love my slow cooker) and my mail is stacked on my bench unopened, next to the dishes piled up waiting to be dealt with.
Love this Pinky x thank you! Wild to think of my boys maybe being dads one day! I can’t wait to see what kind of parents they’ll be ❤️
they will be awesome and interesting - they have been modelled by you and their dad. I laughed inwardly as my grandson told me about a note a teacher had sent home - "about my behaviour'. I asked what his dad had said. 'He told me you had some letters like this'. Sure did! Then the next week he auditioned and got the lead in the school musical (he's first year at high school). Payback is pretty sweet.
Thanks for writing this Emily. I read that post on your Facebook and scrolled through some of the comments and there were so many mums talking about what a fucking nightmare night-time is for them, and some of it was hard to read.
I know you have been getting those kinds of comments for a lot of years now. So many mother's reaching out, almost literally, begging to be understood, comforted, held in the way they hold their children through the night. I'm there too. And I find it painful to see how much we are all struggling.
I don't believe it has always been this hard. People used to grow up in small communities or iwi where bringing up children was woven into the fabric of everyday life, for every member of the community. No one was expected to do it all alone. Children all slept communally; siblings, cousins, second cousins. Children were not expected to be able to sleep alone. That was clearly not something people thought a child should have to do.
So why do we think that now? Why are we determined to make children sleep alone? Why is that a win? Why are we determined to make our children as independent as possible from the earliest possible age? Why did people tut-tut at my sister in law for carrying her son until he was two, even though he was physically disabled? Why did people ask me when I was going to move the cot out of my bedroom?
I have so many thoughts on this topic.... Sorry for the rant but this is a nice place to share!!
I'm with you all the way Emily. Thanks for being real, always ❤️
I am so so with you! It absolutely was not meant to be like this! I love everything you’ve said x
So I'm parenting a child I didn't give birth to who has suffered trauma and it's completely different to how you're "supposed" to parent. I know I'm doing it right because I've spent A LOT of time learning how to parent this child but man, the negative comments, the "when will you tell her to just get over it" comments really wear you down. This post has been such a balm to my beat up soul...
I’m so glad Tania. Arohanui x
Parenting must be the hardest role in life. You do what you think is best and what works for you and your whanau. When you have a child or children seen as 'different', the road becomes that much harder. It is hard not to seek approval or to forge your own path. We all have doubts. To help get me through days on end that were challenging and so so hard - I used to read a message I left for myself written in lipstick ( I hardly ever had time to actually apply it to my own lips) on the mirror in our bathroom. It said " Remember - You are amazing!' And I forced myself to believe it. It helped. No approval ratings, no looking sideways - just keep doing what works for you.
This is gorgeous. Thank you ❤️
Thank you. I feel so seen!
I am deep in the throws of parenting and it is so so so hard and overwhelming at times.
I have a 1 and 4 year old and feel like there is no end in sight to the emotional rollercoaster and sleep exhaustion.
This piece is beautiful and reminds me i am very much not alone in this journey ❤️
Oh I remember that time so much! It gets sooooo much easier in my opinion. Even when I’m exhausted now, it’s nothing compared to how exhausted I was when I had two under five. X
Laura I have been there with the 1 and 4 and it DOES get easier. You are doing so well, and the fact that you're even worrying about it means you are a good parent because you care. You will get (some) sleep back and it does get better. Hang in there mama x
Thank you ❤️ it’s hard to feel like I’m doing gentle parenting “right” because sometimes I’m still like OH DEAR SWEET BABY ODIN GO THE FUUU TO SLEEP then proceed to feel terrible about feeling grumpy instead of trying to discuss feelings calmly with an under 2 year old at 3 am.
Me too!! So hard to feel calm. So hard to handle it. None of us can do that 24-7 x I think our kids will forgive us ❤️
Very much needed to read this today! Gentle parenting definitely went out the f****ING window in our house for a bit - I've got a 6mth old and a 3yo and everyone's sick and ratty AF and I yelled the house down today, oops.
We have all been there! X
Oh shit yes, I love everything about this. I felt so seen by that post about Ham and sleep. Sometimes it feels like everybody else sleep trained their baby and now they sleep 7-7 every night with lie ins at the weekend, and ive broken my kid by trying to meet him where he is. Thanks for reminding me of the real xx
You’re not alone and you haven’t broken your gorgeous baby x
Thank you for your utter honesty Emily about the real reality of your parenting, loving your kids to bits, and finding it really hard. I find it so refreshing. We need more honesty about how we all are different, with different kids, and how we all manage different things in different ways, and we do our best, and it's all ok. Thank you for your part in making this conversation happen.
Parenting - It is the hardest job in the world, and the greatest love affair!
You’re so kind x thank you.
"If you are finding it really hard - there is nothing nothing nothing wrong with you. You do not have to parent like me or anyone else. It’s just really hard."
THIS RIGHT HERE. This should be shown to every parent. I love how you cut through the bullshit Emily. It's just really hard.
❤️❤️❤️
I’m sitting on my sofa (ok, lying…) with my three year comfort-pulling on my hair (teddies are so first kid) and crying. Because I really needed to read that post. Parenting i so hard, and most of the time I feel crap at it. You inspire me to be a better parent, without making me feel bad. So thanks for that! And the giggles/laughs. Thanks for those too ❤️
You’re so kind. Thank you Kirsten x
Please give yourself permission to take the time you need for yourself during daylight hours. Carving out space during the day and then going to bed at 7.30 is a great way to get more sleep xx
I really needed to read this today Emily ❤️ Thank you. Feeling particularly shit about my parenting skills today.
Arohanui ❤️❤️
❤️❤️ I remember it seeming like everyone was sleep training and reading your book and it was like a weight lifted and I wasn’t so weird ❤️
That’s so what I hoped for with the book! ❤️❤️
How are you able to afford therapy once a week? (Which is awesome) I’d love to at least go once a month but have to pay the full ticket price so I can’t afford it. I used to go fortnightly in Melbourne but I only paid $80 a session. I’m regularly very bloody grateful to my therapist from that time.
I can’t afford it. My therapist sees me free as part of community work she does! If not I would not be able to do it. I dedicated my book to her, she gave me my life back and I’m so sad that therapy is so out of reach for so many.
I love you, Emily!
I love YOU xxx