Thankyou for your courage, honesty and bloody good mothering - bugger the smart kids who have "no sleep in my bed" (as one of mine told me - that little rascal only needed 8 hours sleep in any 24 hr stint from. when he was 6 months old). I thought I would go completely bonkers(Maybe I am). He's now an adult and a damn good dad to his own kids who dish him up some of the same shenanigans that he gave me. So many women with little and bigger ones need to know there is a sisterhood speaking out and supporting them to parent kindly to their kids and themselves, even when they feel like shit on toast. And screw the 'Influencers' , it's so much BS. There is a difference between 'influencer' (as in taut insta bum cheeks in G string, 'inspirational' 6pack abs hubby and perfectly organised beige home with kids in matching sage, rust and ochre outfits sitting calmly on clean white couch) and "Influence" You have REAL influence that is making a difference to the sanity of families. PS. I don't have a thermomix either (no offence to anyone who loves theirs - I love my slow cooker) and my mail is stacked on my bench unopened, next to the dishes piled up waiting to be dealt with.
Thanks for writing this Emily. I read that post on your Facebook and scrolled through some of the comments and there were so many mums talking about what a fucking nightmare night-time is for them, and some of it was hard to read.
I know you have been getting those kinds of comments for a lot of years now. So many mother's reaching out, almost literally, begging to be understood, comforted, held in the way they hold their children through the night. I'm there too. And I find it painful to see how much we are all struggling.
I don't believe it has always been this hard. People used to grow up in small communities or iwi where bringing up children was woven into the fabric of everyday life, for every member of the community. No one was expected to do it all alone. Children all slept communally; siblings, cousins, second cousins. Children were not expected to be able to sleep alone. That was clearly not something people thought a child should have to do.
So why do we think that now? Why are we determined to make children sleep alone? Why is that a win? Why are we determined to make our children as independent as possible from the earliest possible age? Why did people tut-tut at my sister in law for carrying her son until he was two, even though he was physically disabled? Why did people ask me when I was going to move the cot out of my bedroom?
I have so many thoughts on this topic.... Sorry for the rant but this is a nice place to share!!
I'm with you all the way Emily. Thanks for being real, always ❤️
So I'm parenting a child I didn't give birth to who has suffered trauma and it's completely different to how you're "supposed" to parent. I know I'm doing it right because I've spent A LOT of time learning how to parent this child but man, the negative comments, the "when will you tell her to just get over it" comments really wear you down. This post has been such a balm to my beat up soul...
Parenting must be the hardest role in life. You do what you think is best and what works for you and your whanau. When you have a child or children seen as 'different', the road becomes that much harder. It is hard not to seek approval or to forge your own path. We all have doubts. To help get me through days on end that were challenging and so so hard - I used to read a message I left for myself written in lipstick ( I hardly ever had time to actually apply it to my own lips) on the mirror in our bathroom. It said " Remember - You are amazing!' And I forced myself to believe it. It helped. No approval ratings, no looking sideways - just keep doing what works for you.
Thank you ❤️ it’s hard to feel like I’m doing gentle parenting “right” because sometimes I’m still like OH DEAR SWEET BABY ODIN GO THE FUUU TO SLEEP then proceed to feel terrible about feeling grumpy instead of trying to discuss feelings calmly with an under 2 year old at 3 am.
Very much needed to read this today! Gentle parenting definitely went out the f****ING window in our house for a bit - I've got a 6mth old and a 3yo and everyone's sick and ratty AF and I yelled the house down today, oops.
Oh shit yes, I love everything about this. I felt so seen by that post about Ham and sleep. Sometimes it feels like everybody else sleep trained their baby and now they sleep 7-7 every night with lie ins at the weekend, and ive broken my kid by trying to meet him where he is. Thanks for reminding me of the real xx
Thank you for your utter honesty Emily about the real reality of your parenting, loving your kids to bits, and finding it really hard. I find it so refreshing. We need more honesty about how we all are different, with different kids, and how we all manage different things in different ways, and we do our best, and it's all ok. Thank you for your part in making this conversation happen.
Parenting - It is the hardest job in the world, and the greatest love affair!
"If you are finding it really hard - there is nothing nothing nothing wrong with you. You do not have to parent like me or anyone else. It’s just really hard."
THIS RIGHT HERE. This should be shown to every parent. I love how you cut through the bullshit Emily. It's just really hard.
I’m sitting on my sofa (ok, lying…) with my three year comfort-pulling on my hair (teddies are so first kid) and crying. Because I really needed to read that post. Parenting i so hard, and most of the time I feel crap at it. You inspire me to be a better parent, without making me feel bad. So thanks for that! And the giggles/laughs. Thanks for those too ❤️
Jul 25, 2022·edited Jul 25, 2022Liked by Emily Writes
Emily, today my middle child turns 25. I was in labour right now 25 years ago. He was an easy birth and a hard, hard baby to parent. I am a health professional and thought I “knew” babies. I took six months to realise he was the baby, I’m the adult here, I have to change, he can’t. I was resenting the child I had and wishing he was different instead of getting on and just accepting this is who I have. It was so hard. Now, he’s a wonderful human being, a children’s entertainer/educator and he’s turned out fab!
None of us have got it altogether at all times! All parents struggle at times.
I love your writing, your honesty and truth and support. Arohanui
Please give yourself permission to take the time you need for yourself during daylight hours. Carving out space during the day and then going to bed at 7.30 is a great way to get more sleep xx
How are you able to afford therapy once a week? (Which is awesome) I’d love to at least go once a month but have to pay the full ticket price so I can’t afford it. I used to go fortnightly in Melbourne but I only paid $80 a session. I’m regularly very bloody grateful to my therapist from that time.
Thankyou for your courage, honesty and bloody good mothering - bugger the smart kids who have "no sleep in my bed" (as one of mine told me - that little rascal only needed 8 hours sleep in any 24 hr stint from. when he was 6 months old). I thought I would go completely bonkers(Maybe I am). He's now an adult and a damn good dad to his own kids who dish him up some of the same shenanigans that he gave me. So many women with little and bigger ones need to know there is a sisterhood speaking out and supporting them to parent kindly to their kids and themselves, even when they feel like shit on toast. And screw the 'Influencers' , it's so much BS. There is a difference between 'influencer' (as in taut insta bum cheeks in G string, 'inspirational' 6pack abs hubby and perfectly organised beige home with kids in matching sage, rust and ochre outfits sitting calmly on clean white couch) and "Influence" You have REAL influence that is making a difference to the sanity of families. PS. I don't have a thermomix either (no offence to anyone who loves theirs - I love my slow cooker) and my mail is stacked on my bench unopened, next to the dishes piled up waiting to be dealt with.
Thanks for writing this Emily. I read that post on your Facebook and scrolled through some of the comments and there were so many mums talking about what a fucking nightmare night-time is for them, and some of it was hard to read.
I know you have been getting those kinds of comments for a lot of years now. So many mother's reaching out, almost literally, begging to be understood, comforted, held in the way they hold their children through the night. I'm there too. And I find it painful to see how much we are all struggling.
I don't believe it has always been this hard. People used to grow up in small communities or iwi where bringing up children was woven into the fabric of everyday life, for every member of the community. No one was expected to do it all alone. Children all slept communally; siblings, cousins, second cousins. Children were not expected to be able to sleep alone. That was clearly not something people thought a child should have to do.
So why do we think that now? Why are we determined to make children sleep alone? Why is that a win? Why are we determined to make our children as independent as possible from the earliest possible age? Why did people tut-tut at my sister in law for carrying her son until he was two, even though he was physically disabled? Why did people ask me when I was going to move the cot out of my bedroom?
I have so many thoughts on this topic.... Sorry for the rant but this is a nice place to share!!
I'm with you all the way Emily. Thanks for being real, always ❤️
So I'm parenting a child I didn't give birth to who has suffered trauma and it's completely different to how you're "supposed" to parent. I know I'm doing it right because I've spent A LOT of time learning how to parent this child but man, the negative comments, the "when will you tell her to just get over it" comments really wear you down. This post has been such a balm to my beat up soul...
Parenting must be the hardest role in life. You do what you think is best and what works for you and your whanau. When you have a child or children seen as 'different', the road becomes that much harder. It is hard not to seek approval or to forge your own path. We all have doubts. To help get me through days on end that were challenging and so so hard - I used to read a message I left for myself written in lipstick ( I hardly ever had time to actually apply it to my own lips) on the mirror in our bathroom. It said " Remember - You are amazing!' And I forced myself to believe it. It helped. No approval ratings, no looking sideways - just keep doing what works for you.
Thank you. I feel so seen!
I am deep in the throws of parenting and it is so so so hard and overwhelming at times.
I have a 1 and 4 year old and feel like there is no end in sight to the emotional rollercoaster and sleep exhaustion.
This piece is beautiful and reminds me i am very much not alone in this journey ❤️
Thank you ❤️ it’s hard to feel like I’m doing gentle parenting “right” because sometimes I’m still like OH DEAR SWEET BABY ODIN GO THE FUUU TO SLEEP then proceed to feel terrible about feeling grumpy instead of trying to discuss feelings calmly with an under 2 year old at 3 am.
Very much needed to read this today! Gentle parenting definitely went out the f****ING window in our house for a bit - I've got a 6mth old and a 3yo and everyone's sick and ratty AF and I yelled the house down today, oops.
Oh shit yes, I love everything about this. I felt so seen by that post about Ham and sleep. Sometimes it feels like everybody else sleep trained their baby and now they sleep 7-7 every night with lie ins at the weekend, and ive broken my kid by trying to meet him where he is. Thanks for reminding me of the real xx
Thank you for your utter honesty Emily about the real reality of your parenting, loving your kids to bits, and finding it really hard. I find it so refreshing. We need more honesty about how we all are different, with different kids, and how we all manage different things in different ways, and we do our best, and it's all ok. Thank you for your part in making this conversation happen.
Parenting - It is the hardest job in the world, and the greatest love affair!
"If you are finding it really hard - there is nothing nothing nothing wrong with you. You do not have to parent like me or anyone else. It’s just really hard."
THIS RIGHT HERE. This should be shown to every parent. I love how you cut through the bullshit Emily. It's just really hard.
I’m sitting on my sofa (ok, lying…) with my three year comfort-pulling on my hair (teddies are so first kid) and crying. Because I really needed to read that post. Parenting i so hard, and most of the time I feel crap at it. You inspire me to be a better parent, without making me feel bad. So thanks for that! And the giggles/laughs. Thanks for those too ❤️
Emily, today my middle child turns 25. I was in labour right now 25 years ago. He was an easy birth and a hard, hard baby to parent. I am a health professional and thought I “knew” babies. I took six months to realise he was the baby, I’m the adult here, I have to change, he can’t. I was resenting the child I had and wishing he was different instead of getting on and just accepting this is who I have. It was so hard. Now, he’s a wonderful human being, a children’s entertainer/educator and he’s turned out fab!
None of us have got it altogether at all times! All parents struggle at times.
I love your writing, your honesty and truth and support. Arohanui
Please give yourself permission to take the time you need for yourself during daylight hours. Carving out space during the day and then going to bed at 7.30 is a great way to get more sleep xx
I really needed to read this today Emily ❤️ Thank you. Feeling particularly shit about my parenting skills today.
❤️❤️ I remember it seeming like everyone was sleep training and reading your book and it was like a weight lifted and I wasn’t so weird ❤️
How are you able to afford therapy once a week? (Which is awesome) I’d love to at least go once a month but have to pay the full ticket price so I can’t afford it. I used to go fortnightly in Melbourne but I only paid $80 a session. I’m regularly very bloody grateful to my therapist from that time.