Audience Participation

The best and worst ice breakers ever

Kia ora e hoa mā! Today the Group Chat Girlies are Tired™️. We had a lot of fun content planned for today but life, as it does, got in the way, so that will happen later on in the week!

Vee has written today's post in the spirit of every exhausted English teacher rolling in the VCR and chucking on The Matrix while pretending it's a lesson plan about film analysis, and so it relies hard on the joys of audience participation. You've heard about us! Now we want to know more about you! We have some guiding questions to break the ice, please enjoy. 

Note: you are welcome to use any and all of these questions as openers the next time you're in an awkward social situation or have to do some kind of zoom workshop. They’re guaranteed to do something but we can’t guarantee that that something will be good.

• If the only mixed drinks you could have for the rest of your life were ‘Tequila Berocca’ or ‘Gin Powerade’, which would you pick and why?

• Would it make a difference if it wasn't blue powerade?

• If you had to be reincarnated as the world's shittiest white man, would you rather be Sean Plunket or Elon Musk?

• Do you know which way North is? Are you sure? Point in a direction and then use your phone to see how wrong you were. [Tam: I did this and it turned out I was pointing almost exactly west lmao]

• Which would be worse: your footsteps making fart noises every time you walked anywhere, or never having a good hair day again?

• You get onto Love Is Blind or a similar Netflix dating show but you do the whole thing in character. Who would you be?

• Tell us the story of a time you said hi back to someone who wasn’t actually talking to you, and how you recovered.

• What's the biggest animal you think you could win against in a fight?

• How bad of a haircut would it have to be before you'd consider shaving your head?

• Have you ever shat your pants? Don't lie.

• When was the last time you accidentally called an authority figure ‘Mum’ and how many people heard you?

• What is the worst cheese scone you’ve ever had? Describe in detail.

• Would you want laser pointers for fingers or eyelids that make a camera lens sound, and why?

• Have you ever flown business class? Tell us what it's like, as if we're Charles Dickens orphans with our little noses pressed up against the glass window of wealth.

• How long do you think a minute is? Have you ever timed what you think a minute should be? Your answer may surprise you.

• Can you describe all of your exes with a single cutting word or sentence? Mine include “the Fruitarian” and “the dickhead - no, the other one.”

• What was the last completely trivial purchase you made, and are you happy with it?

• Do you know what you'd wear if you were unexpectedly invited to a red carpet event, and money was no object? Yes, this is the Pretty Woman scenario, don't pretend you don't think about it.

• Would you enter your pet into a show, and do you realistically think they'd win anything aside from being the world's most perfect beautiful sweet baby man?

• What do you love most about Emily and this newsletter?

If you use any of these as a genuine social opener, we cannot be held responsible for the outcomes. I once broke the (extremely tense and stressful) ice at a conference dinner, where my table was full of Police and GCSB staff, by saying brightly, “So, who wants to hear my favourite conspiracy theory?!” and I made it work oh my god, but your experience may vary.

(My favourite conspiracy theory is Havana Syndrome, and I actually got a lot of new intel from the GCSB guys there even though they couldn't have their last names on their place setting cards. Would the GCSB lie to me? Almost certainly yes, but I choose to believe.)

Please tell us about yourselves and tell us about the best and worst ice breakers you’ve had to answer!