Can we keep going?

Looking back to keep moving forward

Yesterday, there were 9000 new cases of Covid 19 reported. I keep thinking of all the people who don’t report. And those who go out and about despite being Covid positive.

Hospitalisations were up to 662, the highest mark since the fifth of April. When I took my week off from work, it coincided with almost half of my child’s school being at home due to Covid or flu-related isolation.

I performed in front of about 120 people, the most people I’ve been around since June 2021. I was so nervous about catching Covid, my husband and I had discussed why we thought it was worth doing despite the risk. We talked about how to minimise the risk. It’s all risk, risk, risk.

We kept the kids home all week. But we did go to Te Papa, masked up with hand sanny. Eddie’s booster is hopefully going to protect him. Both kids have had their flu vaccine.

But I’m finding it hard. It feels like on social media it’s all “I’m in Fiji!” from one family and “I’ve got Covid” from the next. I find both hard - I feel really jealous of people holidaying since we can’t. And I feel scared over how much Covid I’m seeing and how sick people are.

So I’ve been trying to think of ways to build myself up and I thought there might be others feeling the same so I thought I’d share…

Photo by Niklas Ohlrogge

I’ve been returning to my diaries from the rāhui days, to see how I was coping and what I was doing to cope. And I’ve been looking at the things I published back then.

The process has actually helped. I had the tools then to help our whānau through it. So I must still have those tools right?

Much has changed, but a lot hasn’t. I said back in March 2020:

People are saying it’s “only the vulnerable” at risk. Their “only” is our “everything”.

We are still there, hoping people will understand what’s at risk. I wrote:

It makes sense then that our parenting at this time has no map. We as parents must make our own. Thankfully, we can do this together. This is when the village becomes real – suddenly the idea of a virtual village we have talked about for so long doesn’t seem so ridiculous does it?

I believe the best thing we can do right now is to treat ourselves as parents as gently and lovingly as we are treating our children. We must be patient – we won’t have all the answers. We must be kind – because nobody has all the answers. We must be open to a new way of doing things. And we absolutely must continue to support each other and our communities in isolation.

I have been thinking about all that has been created over these last two and a half years.

This newsletter is one of those things…I mean I quit my job in a pandemic to be a writer full time!? I may not have continued the newsletter had it not been for Covid 19 making it a necessity. And now, I couldn’t be without this wonderful community.

You’ve all been such an amazing support to me.

Over the weekend, I gave away 50 subscriptions to those who couldn’t afford to subscribe. Because I know so many of us are struggling financially. And poverty is so isolating already, you need community, you need your village.

It’s a tiny thing, but I think it matters. Despite being stuck at home we have been able to support some amazing organisations with incredible kaupapa. I joined the charity Awhi Ngā Mātua as director. We make resources for parents around finding great carers for your kids, or applying for ORS funding. We just had a meeting this morning about turning Individual Education Plans into learning stories for reliever teachers who are stepping in for Covid and flu-sick teachers.

We advocated during the budget. You have all supported charities and causes from The Call - a series created during the pandemic.

I said then that Radical empathy is needed.

What it means to be a good parent is something we need to re-evaluate in these difficult times. It’s something we have always needed to re-evaluate. Black and white rules never worked, and they especially won’t work now. We must make our own rules. Guided as much as we can by our children and their needs.

But our needs will also matter. We have a chance to help our children understand that in uncertain times adults will do their absolute best, but things will change. Flexibility will be required. So will kindness. This is a great time to help our children understand that their parents have needs too – that it’s OK to feel things, it’s OK to not have the answers, it’s OK as long as we have each other and we’re patient, kind, and reaching out in support and hope.

I am frightened sometimes of the impact this pandemic has had on our kids. My youngest son, like so many, spent just five days at school before we pulled him out to begin our isolation.

He has never known schooling that wasn’t happening under the shadow of a pandemic.

But I also know, that the way we have tried to parent during this time has been good for our kids too. We have not always got it right…but no parent gets it right all of the time. But we have been able to remember what matters to us.

And in knowing what we have, we have been able to really focus on those who don’t have what we have. We have been able to reach out to our community in ways we had felt to whakamā to do before.

As a whānau we have made food parcels together, cooked kai for others together, written letters to MPs together, collected toys to donate together, ordered groceries online together to be delivered to others. We have talked to whānau and friends who live far away far more than we did before the pandemic.

I have felt like I am not getting it right so many times though. And I’ve had to remind myself over and over and over again that there is no right.

Remember when you held your baby in your arms for the first time? Go back to that moment. Maybe you wondered if you were up for this job.

You are.

Maybe you wondered if you could do it.

You can.

You can absolutely do this.

You were not alone then. And you are not alone now.

We are up for the job. I know we are. And we can do it.

I believe in us.

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April 2020