My child is also neuro-divergent and struggles to fall asleep. She will scratch me with her toenails, play with my fingers, and also asks me to put my arm over/around/under her. I feel every fibre of my being screaming "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" God it's hard some days.
Parenthood never gets easier, it just gets different types of hard.
But also - a friend once told me (before I had a kid, when I was questioning whether I should have a kid) that the messy parts of parenthood are out there, for everyone to see. But the rewards are invisible. She was so right.
Oh my gosh that’s so true. Since Hammy became verbal it’s been amazing hearing him articulate just how difficult life can be being neurodivergent. He simply tells me how utterly awful not being able to fall asleep feels. And I know that feeling well. It’s helped me understand how important it is to meet him where he is. And it’s so hard but it’s so rewarding to know I’m doing what he needs because life is so hard when you’re neurodivergent and it shouldn’t be that hard at home.
Oh Sarah, I was there 20 years ago, with full on post-natal depression, and when I think back to how I felt, it breaks my heart that other women are right back in that place. It's incredibly hard to connect with other people if you are struggling with PND. I didn't feel at ease with other mother friends until my first baby was nearly a year old. It is really, really tough feeling as if you have to fake it with other parents, or as if everyone else has some secret 'understanding-motherhood' cells. I do think that sometimes admitting that to others lets them share their load too and it can be a way to find common ground. I hope I'm not making wild assumptions, and projecting my own experience on to you, but it can really help to talk to your GP about it all if you are really struggling. And Emily, thank you for keeping all the tough stuff above the surface so other people don't feel so stifled xxx
That’s so so true Emma - it took me time to find that village. It’s not easy for us to find and it’s hard to feel able to open up. I felt like others were doing so well and would know I wasn’t like them. In time, meeting thousands of mums I know we are all struggling in one way or another and we all want to support each other. We are just trying to figure out the how. ❤️❤️❤️
It took me ages to find connection with other parents. I have one friend who transitioned beautifully into "Mum friend" from my old life, but it wasn't until my daughter started school that I ofund a couple of other Mums to connect with.
I hope you find some support in your journey soon x
Almost had a cry sitting in airport reading this. As always so beautifully written and hitting the nail on the head of this beautiful and hard journey ox
This is so good. I love your newsletters and I really needed this one today. Everyone’s parenting journey is hard. I felt like mine was particularly so today. And the pandemic has made it so much harder! My daughter had to go to ED today due to her bone condition and I was just so sad that my partner and I had to choose who was going to be her support person. In pre-pandemic times we could have both been there so he and I could have supported each other too! It’s just nice to know others are feeling it too! Also I learned about the Wellington Mother’s Network on your Instagram today and I think that will be really good for me - so thank you for that too!
I am so so sorry Kate x it’s so hard and this bloody pandemic makes it harder and so very unfair. I think you’ll really like the Mothers Network groups. I went to one when I was a brand new mum - I very nearly became a group facilitator because I thought it was such a powerful and important kaupapa. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to who has been through the medical stuff x arohanui
Emily. Thank you for your raw honesty. It helps me to understand myself and not feel alone. From the comments, I think others are also blessed by your mahi. It also makes me want to give you a cuddle, a cuddle that lasts for at least 10 minutes and is just me giving to you.
I'm so glad you have a friend so close to home. Aroha nui xx
So beautifully written Emily, aroha nui, those long days are so very long.
My baby group and my playgroups were absolute lifesavers for me. To find other women who were going through the same thing as me, who understood, and didn't blame, or look down, just sympathised and offered advice. That's the thing no one tells you about parenthood, how lonely it can be. That's why those spaces are literal lifesavers.
This is so beautiful and raw, and wonderfully real.
I am so glad you can lean on each other during times of need.
And yes, it is so, so hard right now.
There are so many moments where I wasn’t the parent I wanted to be because it is just so hard. Even when I know better and try to be a better parent every day.
Nothing feels safe, and when nothing feels safe I hope that we are all able to find some kind of safety in each other ❤️
This is beautiful. Thank you for writing this, Emily. My kids are 10 and 12, and I reckon it gets easier yet harder at the same time. So really it's just a different kind of hard, all the time. I can't even imagine how I'll cope with the teen years. And you're right, life right now is just so exhausting. Thank goodness for mama friends huh. Arohanui
Emily, so beautifully written. You are so lucky to have your friend. My 7 year old son also needs to lie on my arm every night to go to sleep. Then he is jumping into our bed by 12 or 3am and back on my arm!
This winter has been so exceptionally tough, has it not??? At some point every week, I think to myself, "I cannot do this one more minute". Being with other parents who you can relax and be yourself around, have a drink with and a laugh with... It's the only thing that makes the hard days feel okay. I'm glad you have that so close by ❤️
My child is also neuro-divergent and struggles to fall asleep. She will scratch me with her toenails, play with my fingers, and also asks me to put my arm over/around/under her. I feel every fibre of my being screaming "STOP TOUCHING ME!!!" God it's hard some days.
Parenthood never gets easier, it just gets different types of hard.
But also - a friend once told me (before I had a kid, when I was questioning whether I should have a kid) that the messy parts of parenthood are out there, for everyone to see. But the rewards are invisible. She was so right.
Oh my gosh that’s so true. Since Hammy became verbal it’s been amazing hearing him articulate just how difficult life can be being neurodivergent. He simply tells me how utterly awful not being able to fall asleep feels. And I know that feeling well. It’s helped me understand how important it is to meet him where he is. And it’s so hard but it’s so rewarding to know I’m doing what he needs because life is so hard when you’re neurodivergent and it shouldn’t be that hard at home.
I feel this, without the sisterhood of support though. I am not enough. I am definitely not cut out for this.
I know I’m not enough without community. I think that’s why I want to work to create it. Here, there - wherever we can build it x
Oh Sarah, I was there 20 years ago, with full on post-natal depression, and when I think back to how I felt, it breaks my heart that other women are right back in that place. It's incredibly hard to connect with other people if you are struggling with PND. I didn't feel at ease with other mother friends until my first baby was nearly a year old. It is really, really tough feeling as if you have to fake it with other parents, or as if everyone else has some secret 'understanding-motherhood' cells. I do think that sometimes admitting that to others lets them share their load too and it can be a way to find common ground. I hope I'm not making wild assumptions, and projecting my own experience on to you, but it can really help to talk to your GP about it all if you are really struggling. And Emily, thank you for keeping all the tough stuff above the surface so other people don't feel so stifled xxx
That’s so so true Emma - it took me time to find that village. It’s not easy for us to find and it’s hard to feel able to open up. I felt like others were doing so well and would know I wasn’t like them. In time, meeting thousands of mums I know we are all struggling in one way or another and we all want to support each other. We are just trying to figure out the how. ❤️❤️❤️
I feel like all my words have gone into my arms and I just want to hug all the mums on this thread!
Yes! Me too 😭❤️
It took me ages to find connection with other parents. I have one friend who transitioned beautifully into "Mum friend" from my old life, but it wasn't until my daughter started school that I ofund a couple of other Mums to connect with.
I hope you find some support in your journey soon x
Feel for you, and right there with you ❤️
Ditto, Sarah. Hugs
Oh this entire thing is a feeling. Thank you for your beautiful writing, Emily ❤️
Almost had a cry sitting in airport reading this. As always so beautifully written and hitting the nail on the head of this beautiful and hard journey ox
Arohanui xx
Emily - what a glorious love letter x
Oh I feel this! I have the «not cut out for this» feeling regularly. Thanks Emily, beautiful writing as usual ❤️
This is so good. I love your newsletters and I really needed this one today. Everyone’s parenting journey is hard. I felt like mine was particularly so today. And the pandemic has made it so much harder! My daughter had to go to ED today due to her bone condition and I was just so sad that my partner and I had to choose who was going to be her support person. In pre-pandemic times we could have both been there so he and I could have supported each other too! It’s just nice to know others are feeling it too! Also I learned about the Wellington Mother’s Network on your Instagram today and I think that will be really good for me - so thank you for that too!
I am so so sorry Kate x it’s so hard and this bloody pandemic makes it harder and so very unfair. I think you’ll really like the Mothers Network groups. I went to one when I was a brand new mum - I very nearly became a group facilitator because I thought it was such a powerful and important kaupapa. I’m always here if you need someone to talk to who has been through the medical stuff x arohanui
Such beautiful writing. With all the hard, reading this makes it easier ❤️💜💚💙
Thank you x I’m glad ❤️
Emily. Thank you for your raw honesty. It helps me to understand myself and not feel alone. From the comments, I think others are also blessed by your mahi. It also makes me want to give you a cuddle, a cuddle that lasts for at least 10 minutes and is just me giving to you.
I'm so glad you have a friend so close to home. Aroha nui xx
Oh you’re so kind x all these lovely comments feel like a very long and warm hug ❤️
So beautifully written Emily, aroha nui, those long days are so very long.
My baby group and my playgroups were absolute lifesavers for me. To find other women who were going through the same thing as me, who understood, and didn't blame, or look down, just sympathised and offered advice. That's the thing no one tells you about parenthood, how lonely it can be. That's why those spaces are literal lifesavers.
Yes, so very lonely ❤️
This is so beautiful and raw, and wonderfully real.
I am so glad you can lean on each other during times of need.
And yes, it is so, so hard right now.
There are so many moments where I wasn’t the parent I wanted to be because it is just so hard. Even when I know better and try to be a better parent every day.
Nothing feels safe, and when nothing feels safe I hope that we are all able to find some kind of safety in each other ❤️
That’s so true and so beautifully said. Thank you ❤️
This is beautiful. Thank you for writing this, Emily. My kids are 10 and 12, and I reckon it gets easier yet harder at the same time. So really it's just a different kind of hard, all the time. I can't even imagine how I'll cope with the teen years. And you're right, life right now is just so exhausting. Thank goodness for mama friends huh. Arohanui
Emily, so beautifully written. You are so lucky to have your friend. My 7 year old son also needs to lie on my arm every night to go to sleep. Then he is jumping into our bed by 12 or 3am and back on my arm!
Yes, Together ❤️
This winter has been so exceptionally tough, has it not??? At some point every week, I think to myself, "I cannot do this one more minute". Being with other parents who you can relax and be yourself around, have a drink with and a laugh with... It's the only thing that makes the hard days feel okay. I'm glad you have that so close by ❤️
Yes exactly x I really really feel like it’s been so incredibly hard. I think many people just have nothing left ❤️
❤️❤️❤️