Facebook Marketplace named 10th circle of Hell
"I'd put it before violence tbh" - Dante
Is there a worse place than Facebook Marketplace? That’s a rhetorical question. Truly, I’d rather spend a day with David Seymour and Winston Peters arguing about who is the bigger wanker than spend even one more day fighting for my sanity on Facebook Marketplace.
During a cost-of-living crisis it’s not surprising that we’re turning to Facebook Marketplace to sell our bits and bobs to meet rent and buy groceries. But you have to ask: AT WHAT FUCKING COST!?!
Here’s how all sales seem to go:
Hello, is this still available?
Yes.
Hello, is this still available?
Yes.
Hello, is this still available?
YES IT IS FUCKING AVAILABLE I JUST TOLD YOU TWICE.
Hello, is this still available?
Yes. God. Yes - āe! Sí. نعم! Oui. Ja! 是! YES.
*Never hears from them again*
Hello, is this still available?
Yes.
Can you measure the air around the sleeve?
I….what?
Will it fit me? If it were a shoe instead of a dress, what size would it be? What distance to the Sun is it?
It’s a size 16.
*Never hears from them again*
Hello, is this still available?
Yes.
I can give you 20c and a can of beans for it.
Well, it’s $50 and it still has tags on - and I bought it for $150 so no.
My final offer is $1 and a potato that has the aura of Steve Buscemi.
No.
*Never hears from them again*
Hello, is this still available?
Yes.
Can you deliver?
Possibly. Where are you?
I’m at the oceanic pole of inaccessibility. Point Nemo?
No.
*Never hears from them again*
Hello, is this still available?
Yes.
Can I pick up this weekend?
Well, it’s Monday - will you come this weekend or will you never message me again?
Oh I’m definitely going to never message you again but I’m going to keep you on the hook until the very last minute, basically keeping you at home all day on a Saturday for a measly $20.
Hello, is this still available?
Yes.
Can you send me a picture of your feet?
Ham would like credit for the oceanic pole of inaccessibility joke. Thank you Ham.
I’ve had horrible experiences on Marketplace, people not turning up, all the ‘is this still available’ ‘can you deliver’ when I’ve said PICK UP only 🙄 BUT the one that stood out was a young couple picking up a double bed, they turned up when they said they would. They brought their Auntie with a roof rack on her car, and said to each other when they left, yay no more sleeping on the floor 🥰😭
I threw in some bedding as well
Honestly the stupid questions and lack of reading comprehension put me off selling things, even though money is good to have. Instead I let things build up into a shame pile and then I donate them.