My oldest and youngest were both terrible sleepers, and my eldest still really struggles. He gets hypnic migraines, and I suspect he maybe always has? Anyway, my middle child has always been a blissful wonderful little sleeper, right from the day he was born, so I’ve known for a long time it isn’t anything I do or don’t do - it’s just what it is. On Saturday night I was fast asleep and my giant middle child 15 year old appeared
In my room and said “I’m sad and I don’t know why” and I said “Do you want to come and have a cuddle and sleep here?” and I felt really glad that he didn’t lie there in the dark. I never want to think about my kid lying in the dark feeling sad and not knowing why - I can live with being tired.
Long time reader, zero time commenter. I just wanted to say a million times thank-you. As I approach 40 at the end of this year, I’m in a new phase in my life of bold truth-telling - around my mental health, parenting, and generally existing in the world. Today I am exhausted due to a rubbish night with my 11-year old. He’s the best kid in the world and I love him to bits. But sleep and bedtime have never been easy and some nights are still not great. We are a million miles away from where we were when he was a baby, a toddler, a wee boy, heck even a year ago and that’s what I try to remember. To measure progress by looking back months at a time and not days. I just wanted to say that your articles and posts have got me through many a tough time over the last 11 years. Love your work.
This is the parenting I needed as a child. Only now, at age 35, am I learning that I can actively regulate my emotions - that some people can do this "naturally"! And I think a large part of why that learning is so belated is because when I couldn't sleep everyone thought it was a ploy for attention, so I was never taught how to process what was happening and I just learned to ignore my feelings until they exploded everywhere.
❤️❤️ I’m so sorry x I think because I know how exhausting and frustrating and awful it is not to be able to get to sleep makes me have a lot of empathy for him. Very early on - even before diagnosis - I knew that he wanted to sleep but couldn’t. That helped so much given the prevailing narrative around child sleep is that if children don’t sleep it’s because they’re manipulating you. I don’t believe that at all ❤️
I’m well over 70 now and if there’s one thing I’m sure of after all the doing and watching parenting (and grand-parenting) it’s that what you’re doing is absolutely the right thing. It seems never-ending and so hard when you’re in the middle of it but when you look back you’ll be so pleased you gave your bubbas what they needed. You are fantastic parents and we all love you!
I love this so much. I bought an awful tacky (if being judged by Insta worthy decor lol - but IDGAF) “&” sign from Briscoes that lights up but it sits on my bookshelf and reminds me they two things can be true at once. The power of “and” has been a true turning point for me in processing hard stuff. Beautiful share once again Emily x.
Beautiful as always. I wish the normal range of sleep in kids was more talked about. In so many cultures sleeping next to your child is normal, yet we seem to make it ‘weird’. They’re only little for such a short time in the scheme of a lifetime. Well done and wishes for more sleep tonight for you both!
These posts help me so much with similar unending struggles with my son's sleep. I really appreciate your perspective and I'm so glad you write these newsletters.
Sometimes I think to myself, "I cannot do this one more minute". And yet I can and I do. Somehow.
Thanks for offering some perspective to a very tired mum like me 🙂
I hope routine is in place by 830 (daylight savings has thrown us too) and that Brahms works again. I hope you don’t get kicked in the ribs. Basically sending you all the good sleep wishes, with a bucketload of respect x
Oh this! You’ve made me cry and laugh again. As a parent to two beautiful neurodiverse children one who also has complex medical health needs this speaks to me so very deeply. The ‘and’ is so very real. You’re words honestly make me feel less alone, so thank you.
You’re such a wonderful parent! The patience and empathy you have for your child and their sleep issues is inspiring! Many parents would lose it and resort to old skool parenting and just tell them to shut it and shut the door. So hopefully you sharing your journey and exhibiting such patience will inspire others, while also reminding them they’re not alone and parenting can be as hard as it is a joy! xxx
So beautiful Emily. So much respect for how you love your babies. I adore what you wrote about “and”. Wishing you and your whanau a perfect routine for tonight xo
You are such a role model as a parent to me, I hope you know that. Sleep isn’t something we struggle with in our house, but there are so many other things that I’ve had to learn to accept with grace and deal with every day with kindness and acceptance with my kids, rather that exhaustedly striving for how I think I should be parenting. Thank you for acknowledging how bloody hard and bloody important this is. I hope you get a night away some time soon to revel in a night of uninterrupted sleep! Xx
This was me last night with my six year old and yes, I said I can't do this anymore as his foot connected with my uterus for the 15th time in the middle of the night. But then he reached for my hand and snuggled up close and I kept repeating the words - it won't be like this forever. Reading this piece this morning (and the comments) makes me feel less alone in what we are going through. Thank you for being so brave and honest and articulate Emily.
Thanks for this timely honest post Emily, I needed to read this this morning ❤️🧡🧡 Our first has always had trouble sleeping, and standing at the window last night rocking and singing and cuddling and feeding and trying all the things with our fresh second bubba I just wanted to SCREAM I can’t do this AGAIN… and then somehow you just take a breath and DO…
My oldest and youngest were both terrible sleepers, and my eldest still really struggles. He gets hypnic migraines, and I suspect he maybe always has? Anyway, my middle child has always been a blissful wonderful little sleeper, right from the day he was born, so I’ve known for a long time it isn’t anything I do or don’t do - it’s just what it is. On Saturday night I was fast asleep and my giant middle child 15 year old appeared
In my room and said “I’m sad and I don’t know why” and I said “Do you want to come and have a cuddle and sleep here?” and I felt really glad that he didn’t lie there in the dark. I never want to think about my kid lying in the dark feeling sad and not knowing why - I can live with being tired.
Oh that’s so beautiful. That’s exactly what I hope for!
Hi Emily,
Long time reader, zero time commenter. I just wanted to say a million times thank-you. As I approach 40 at the end of this year, I’m in a new phase in my life of bold truth-telling - around my mental health, parenting, and generally existing in the world. Today I am exhausted due to a rubbish night with my 11-year old. He’s the best kid in the world and I love him to bits. But sleep and bedtime have never been easy and some nights are still not great. We are a million miles away from where we were when he was a baby, a toddler, a wee boy, heck even a year ago and that’s what I try to remember. To measure progress by looking back months at a time and not days. I just wanted to say that your articles and posts have got me through many a tough time over the last 11 years. Love your work.
Emily
Oh thank you x sending you so much love x this means a lot to me x
This is the parenting I needed as a child. Only now, at age 35, am I learning that I can actively regulate my emotions - that some people can do this "naturally"! And I think a large part of why that learning is so belated is because when I couldn't sleep everyone thought it was a ploy for attention, so I was never taught how to process what was happening and I just learned to ignore my feelings until they exploded everywhere.
❤️❤️ I’m so sorry x I think because I know how exhausting and frustrating and awful it is not to be able to get to sleep makes me have a lot of empathy for him. Very early on - even before diagnosis - I knew that he wanted to sleep but couldn’t. That helped so much given the prevailing narrative around child sleep is that if children don’t sleep it’s because they’re manipulating you. I don’t believe that at all ❤️
I’m well over 70 now and if there’s one thing I’m sure of after all the doing and watching parenting (and grand-parenting) it’s that what you’re doing is absolutely the right thing. It seems never-ending and so hard when you’re in the middle of it but when you look back you’ll be so pleased you gave your bubbas what they needed. You are fantastic parents and we all love you!
You’re so kind Lynne. Thank you so much for your beautiful words!
I love this so much. I bought an awful tacky (if being judged by Insta worthy decor lol - but IDGAF) “&” sign from Briscoes that lights up but it sits on my bookshelf and reminds me they two things can be true at once. The power of “and” has been a true turning point for me in processing hard stuff. Beautiful share once again Emily x.
❤️❤️❤️ love that. Might have to get one myself.
Beautiful as always. I wish the normal range of sleep in kids was more talked about. In so many cultures sleeping next to your child is normal, yet we seem to make it ‘weird’. They’re only little for such a short time in the scheme of a lifetime. Well done and wishes for more sleep tonight for you both!
Me too ❤️
These posts help me so much with similar unending struggles with my son's sleep. I really appreciate your perspective and I'm so glad you write these newsletters.
Sometimes I think to myself, "I cannot do this one more minute". And yet I can and I do. Somehow.
Thanks for offering some perspective to a very tired mum like me 🙂
I definitely relate to that. I often think there’s no way I can do it. But we all keep doing it ❤️
Beautiful.
I hope routine is in place by 830 (daylight savings has thrown us too) and that Brahms works again. I hope you don’t get kicked in the ribs. Basically sending you all the good sleep wishes, with a bucketload of respect x
Ngā mihi e hoa ❤️
Oh this! You’ve made me cry and laugh again. As a parent to two beautiful neurodiverse children one who also has complex medical health needs this speaks to me so very deeply. The ‘and’ is so very real. You’re words honestly make me feel less alone, so thank you.
Arohanui my friend x I’m glad it has helped. I’m so grateful for this community ❤️
And in my sleep deprived state I’ve used the wrong ‘your’ 😂🥴 but I also don’t know how to edit it so apologies.
What a beautiful article! So validating for this Mumma with a neurodiverse boy xx
I’m glad Alana ❤️
You’re such a wonderful parent! The patience and empathy you have for your child and their sleep issues is inspiring! Many parents would lose it and resort to old skool parenting and just tell them to shut it and shut the door. So hopefully you sharing your journey and exhibiting such patience will inspire others, while also reminding them they’re not alone and parenting can be as hard as it is a joy! xxx
❤️❤️❤️❤️
So beautiful Emily. So much respect for how you love your babies. I adore what you wrote about “and”. Wishing you and your whanau a perfect routine for tonight xo
Thank you Kaitlyn x I appreciate it ❤️
You are such a role model as a parent to me, I hope you know that. Sleep isn’t something we struggle with in our house, but there are so many other things that I’ve had to learn to accept with grace and deal with every day with kindness and acceptance with my kids, rather that exhaustedly striving for how I think I should be parenting. Thank you for acknowledging how bloody hard and bloody important this is. I hope you get a night away some time soon to revel in a night of uninterrupted sleep! Xx
Thank you Jacq. That means a lot to me ❤️
This was me last night with my six year old and yes, I said I can't do this anymore as his foot connected with my uterus for the 15th time in the middle of the night. But then he reached for my hand and snuggled up close and I kept repeating the words - it won't be like this forever. Reading this piece this morning (and the comments) makes me feel less alone in what we are going through. Thank you for being so brave and honest and articulate Emily.
Arohanui Brigitte x hang in there x
And we will be okay!!! 🥰😍🤩
These words are everything a parent needs to read, hear & believe.
Ataahua, arohanui xoxo
We will be ❤️❤️❤️
Thanks for this timely honest post Emily, I needed to read this this morning ❤️🧡🧡 Our first has always had trouble sleeping, and standing at the window last night rocking and singing and cuddling and feeding and trying all the things with our fresh second bubba I just wanted to SCREAM I can’t do this AGAIN… and then somehow you just take a breath and DO…
You just do ❤️ you’re doing great mama x