I don’t know how YOU do it Emily but it’s like you’ve been in my head and can see my crazy scary ‘to do’ list! 😂😭 I guess we all just have the same variation of the same list though. It’s relentless. I just lost my shit for the umpteenth time this week and I’m really worried about the level of rage and anxiety I’m feeling. I know I’m releasing much needed frustration when I yell but I hate it, it shouldn’t get to that stage, I can feel the toxins post adrenaline release into my tummy. I know it’s fruitless to say why can’t they just comply but I need to say it anyway. I know ‘they’ say this and that but it’s not feasible to be one of those people who just go with the flow and let it wash over me. I try so hard but I’m just not a breezy person. I’m not wired like that I need my order and routine and visual healing of sans clutter...I daydream about having my own separate house I can escape my family where everything is like a calm natural white health retreat and there is no noise. No noise or additional stimulus. Every time I attempt to refuel my tank it’s a cost, and that cost comes with interest attached. The price inflates. Yeah sorry I’m sick of inflation talk too. It’s seeping into everything! But your article really spoke to me about how I’m feeling. I don’t know either. But at least I’m in good company xx
We are just emerging from a tough run of illness in the house and extra busy times at work, rounded out with a headbutt from my toddler and a broken nose. I actually relished sitting in the ER waiting room because I couldn’t *do* anything. I listened to the Dune audiobook for five hours.
(Side note… the first and so far only thing in the book that I’ve really scoffed at is the suggestion that an adult woman only knew she was pregnant because of the special psychic training she received at her witch school)
I feel you, it’s all too much, all the time. I automate everything I can in my life. All my bills are auto paid fortnightly, same amount every fortnight. If I didn’t, I would forget my bills every month. My google calendar is chock-full with everything I might ever need to remember. Every appointment, birthday, WOF due date, flea treatment for the cat, which colour bin goes out each week, etc etc. I cannot cope without all these things and it makes me seem really fucking organised to others. But I still always feel like there is too much on my plate. My New Year’s resolution was to say NO more and I have. I’ve set a lot of boundaries this year. But it’s still too much! The mental load of the grocery list and the kids growing out of their clothes and remembering to read with my 6 year old, the pile of things my kids want me to superglue or sew up, there is just always something.
I work in software product delivery and when my team are getting overwhelmed with their backlog of work I often say “just cull it, anything important will come back”. I sometimes wonder if that approach to life’s backlog might be more freeing than the organisation and to do lists. But then I keep organising 😆
I felt this today. Day three of daycare and haven’t had a full day at work yet. Very lucky to have an understanding boss and I know this is normal. But still feels awful to not be doing a good job at anything.
I wish everyone could have a special grandma, we are so lucky that we both had one. Every Sunday we’d talk on the phone, mostly bitching about my mother (her daughter) and we’d finish with her saying “lucky we’re both perfect, isn’t it dear”
I extremely feel this right now. Also, I am enjoying finishing off Needs Adult Supervision after excitedly unearthing it yesterday from under my daughters bed while looking for an overdue library book, and secondly a couple of hours later from under my son’s wet raincoat. It seemed at home in both locations 🥲💖
As so often happens, your writing has come to me as I'm sitting here (after way too much time on social media) thinking about how everyone else seems so happy and calm and organised and fucking happy and why can't I have that??? Probably should get off social media for a start, obviously! I'm going to have to quit the gym because I can't fit it into my week now that we have a dog (and when I say dog, he's a Dalmatian. Don't get a Dalmatian. Anyone want a Dalmatian?? I'm kidding!) and I'm really struggling with that. It'll be dog walking for exercise (which is one reason we got this particular dog) so it's not like I'm giving up, just shifting lanes.
How did you know that this was my day?? Standing in the very hot respiratory cottage of the doctors with my croup-y 3 year old hiding under a chair shouting and screaming that he would not remove his mask and let the doctor look in his mouth while my three month old screamed in the front pack and I had sweat dripping down my face and back with a constant mental checklist running through my mind...power off attorney for my mum in England, plan her future care, will she make it here for Christmas, cat needs a hip injection, change ECE hours, get house sitter for February, must catch up with work people while on maternity leave blah blah etc etc. 🤦🏼♀️ I cracked, messaged my partner and asked him to come home and he appeared half an hour later. We are lucky that our jobs are possible from home so he had the baby on his shoulder and zoomed in. Thanks for remaining me my drivers licence expires at the end of the month.....
Oh man - that’s a tough day and can’t imagine how hard it is sorting through something so important for your Mum from the other side of the world. And just remember you didn’t “crack” by calling him. Those chores, family admin and parenting commitments need to be shared by both partners - that mental load isn’t yours to carry alone.
This is true. Interesting, even though we are equal partners and in terms of mental load it’s generally pretty even although I have definitely taken on more since starting maternity leave (and especially right now as it’s my mum’s stuff that’s the real mental load at the moment and you’re right, it is almost impossible from the other side of the world, on top of everything a power of attorney literally requires physical signatures on original forms, why?!!🤦🏼♀️) I still thought of it as “cracking” as I thought I should have been able to manage the day alone!! All is well for now. Kids asleep. Been made a cup of tea. Phew.
A good cuppa at the end of the day can make a world of difference. A very smart therapist I used to see talked about our objective, logical understanding of things and how that could be in complete contrast to the way we emotionally respond to and feel things - I think about that a lot as a fairly new mum (my baby is 15 months). It’s a life of emotional and logical conflict.
"I don't know how we do it, but we're doing it anyway"
Wow, yup ❤️
Just interrupted picking up crap from the lounge floor to read this (cos priorities) then looked at the unmade school lunches, the unmown lawn and oh yes, it resonates so much!
Thank you Emily. I wonder often if I’m the only one who feels like that! Rushing, rushing. And I too have those moments thinking of my Nan and realise how it must have been. 🙏🏻
Today I had a First Aid course booked to do, last night I had a message from my workmates "I'm sick"... Ok it's cool, just 2 staff to run the shop - should be sweet. 10am this morning, a text from 1 of the girls on "It's busy, should I get someone else in?" While I'm doing CPR on the mannequin. An email from another colleague in a different branch who is brand new & has been thrown in the deep end "Could I please pick your brain?"
All I could do was get through my course. Pulled in so many directions! I got home, panicked because my child wasn't back from school, messaged a couple of neighbours then remembered she was at drama class... honestly, how do we do it?
I am feeling this right now - half the items on your task list are also on mine. I'm telling myself it's a term 4 thing and there will be less rushing around in the school holidays 😅😬🤞
I don’t know how YOU do it Emily but it’s like you’ve been in my head and can see my crazy scary ‘to do’ list! 😂😭 I guess we all just have the same variation of the same list though. It’s relentless. I just lost my shit for the umpteenth time this week and I’m really worried about the level of rage and anxiety I’m feeling. I know I’m releasing much needed frustration when I yell but I hate it, it shouldn’t get to that stage, I can feel the toxins post adrenaline release into my tummy. I know it’s fruitless to say why can’t they just comply but I need to say it anyway. I know ‘they’ say this and that but it’s not feasible to be one of those people who just go with the flow and let it wash over me. I try so hard but I’m just not a breezy person. I’m not wired like that I need my order and routine and visual healing of sans clutter...I daydream about having my own separate house I can escape my family where everything is like a calm natural white health retreat and there is no noise. No noise or additional stimulus. Every time I attempt to refuel my tank it’s a cost, and that cost comes with interest attached. The price inflates. Yeah sorry I’m sick of inflation talk too. It’s seeping into everything! But your article really spoke to me about how I’m feeling. I don’t know either. But at least I’m in good company xx
I have this day dream a lot too ❤️
We are just emerging from a tough run of illness in the house and extra busy times at work, rounded out with a headbutt from my toddler and a broken nose. I actually relished sitting in the ER waiting room because I couldn’t *do* anything. I listened to the Dune audiobook for five hours.
(Side note… the first and so far only thing in the book that I’ve really scoffed at is the suggestion that an adult woman only knew she was pregnant because of the special psychic training she received at her witch school)
Love those medical emergency breaks 😂 I fell asleep at the dentist getting a root canal lmao.
Hope your nose is feeling better!!
Ooh arohanui mate - isn’t that parent life where a broken nose means some time alone with an audiobook lol
I feel you, it’s all too much, all the time. I automate everything I can in my life. All my bills are auto paid fortnightly, same amount every fortnight. If I didn’t, I would forget my bills every month. My google calendar is chock-full with everything I might ever need to remember. Every appointment, birthday, WOF due date, flea treatment for the cat, which colour bin goes out each week, etc etc. I cannot cope without all these things and it makes me seem really fucking organised to others. But I still always feel like there is too much on my plate. My New Year’s resolution was to say NO more and I have. I’ve set a lot of boundaries this year. But it’s still too much! The mental load of the grocery list and the kids growing out of their clothes and remembering to read with my 6 year old, the pile of things my kids want me to superglue or sew up, there is just always something.
I work in software product delivery and when my team are getting overwhelmed with their backlog of work I often say “just cull it, anything important will come back”. I sometimes wonder if that approach to life’s backlog might be more freeing than the organisation and to do lists. But then I keep organising 😆
I have adhd so I do cull inadvertently all the time and this is what comes back. 🤣 I’ve long since forgotten the things that didn’t return.
Cos we have no choice, and no one else will. That's how I feel today.
❤️
I don’t know how we do it either, but I feel buoyed by the fact we’re all muddling along together 💖
We are ❤️
I felt this today. Day three of daycare and haven’t had a full day at work yet. Very lucky to have an understanding boss and I know this is normal. But still feels awful to not be doing a good job at anything.
You’re not alone e hoa x
I wish everyone could have a special grandma, we are so lucky that we both had one. Every Sunday we’d talk on the phone, mostly bitching about my mother (her daughter) and we’d finish with her saying “lucky we’re both perfect, isn’t it dear”
I extremely feel this right now. Also, I am enjoying finishing off Needs Adult Supervision after excitedly unearthing it yesterday from under my daughters bed while looking for an overdue library book, and secondly a couple of hours later from under my son’s wet raincoat. It seemed at home in both locations 🥲💖
I’m so god you’re enjoying it x
As so often happens, your writing has come to me as I'm sitting here (after way too much time on social media) thinking about how everyone else seems so happy and calm and organised and fucking happy and why can't I have that??? Probably should get off social media for a start, obviously! I'm going to have to quit the gym because I can't fit it into my week now that we have a dog (and when I say dog, he's a Dalmatian. Don't get a Dalmatian. Anyone want a Dalmatian?? I'm kidding!) and I'm really struggling with that. It'll be dog walking for exercise (which is one reason we got this particular dog) so it's not like I'm giving up, just shifting lanes.
How did you know that this was my day?? Standing in the very hot respiratory cottage of the doctors with my croup-y 3 year old hiding under a chair shouting and screaming that he would not remove his mask and let the doctor look in his mouth while my three month old screamed in the front pack and I had sweat dripping down my face and back with a constant mental checklist running through my mind...power off attorney for my mum in England, plan her future care, will she make it here for Christmas, cat needs a hip injection, change ECE hours, get house sitter for February, must catch up with work people while on maternity leave blah blah etc etc. 🤦🏼♀️ I cracked, messaged my partner and asked him to come home and he appeared half an hour later. We are lucky that our jobs are possible from home so he had the baby on his shoulder and zoomed in. Thanks for remaining me my drivers licence expires at the end of the month.....
Oh man - that’s a tough day and can’t imagine how hard it is sorting through something so important for your Mum from the other side of the world. And just remember you didn’t “crack” by calling him. Those chores, family admin and parenting commitments need to be shared by both partners - that mental load isn’t yours to carry alone.
This is true. Interesting, even though we are equal partners and in terms of mental load it’s generally pretty even although I have definitely taken on more since starting maternity leave (and especially right now as it’s my mum’s stuff that’s the real mental load at the moment and you’re right, it is almost impossible from the other side of the world, on top of everything a power of attorney literally requires physical signatures on original forms, why?!!🤦🏼♀️) I still thought of it as “cracking” as I thought I should have been able to manage the day alone!! All is well for now. Kids asleep. Been made a cup of tea. Phew.
A good cuppa at the end of the day can make a world of difference. A very smart therapist I used to see talked about our objective, logical understanding of things and how that could be in complete contrast to the way we emotionally respond to and feel things - I think about that a lot as a fairly new mum (my baby is 15 months). It’s a life of emotional and logical conflict.
"I don't know how we do it, but we're doing it anyway"
Wow, yup ❤️
Just interrupted picking up crap from the lounge floor to read this (cos priorities) then looked at the unmade school lunches, the unmown lawn and oh yes, it resonates so much!
You are describing my life right now. I don’t know how we do it either. Kia kaha.
Thank you Emily. I wonder often if I’m the only one who feels like that! Rushing, rushing. And I too have those moments thinking of my Nan and realise how it must have been. 🙏🏻
Today I had a First Aid course booked to do, last night I had a message from my workmates "I'm sick"... Ok it's cool, just 2 staff to run the shop - should be sweet. 10am this morning, a text from 1 of the girls on "It's busy, should I get someone else in?" While I'm doing CPR on the mannequin. An email from another colleague in a different branch who is brand new & has been thrown in the deep end "Could I please pick your brain?"
All I could do was get through my course. Pulled in so many directions! I got home, panicked because my child wasn't back from school, messaged a couple of neighbours then remembered she was at drama class... honestly, how do we do it?
Asking for a friend 😏
I am feeling this right now - half the items on your task list are also on mine. I'm telling myself it's a term 4 thing and there will be less rushing around in the school holidays 😅😬🤞
I feel this so much ❤️
Such a beautiful read. Thanks 😊