Maxi vaxxers don't exist

Let’s talk about my favourite topic ✨ableism in media ✨

This article caught my eye over the weekend - 'Maxi vaxx' parents' fears for children as mask mandates are removed.

I had high hopes it might be an article giving voice to the many parents of disabled and medically fragile children who were shocked by the sudden removal of masks from schools. But the term ‘Maxi vaxx’ - a term I’ve never heard before - should have been my first red flag.

Photo by Etienne Girardet

As context, in my role as director at not-for-profit Awhi Ngā Mātua, I’ve been inundated with messages, emails and calls from parents across the motu really, really devastated and overwhelmed by the changes to mandates, passes and mask-wearing.

Their experiences are incredibly different to that of parents who don’t have to navigate the same challenges around keeping their child out of hospital or keeping their child alive. In my role I’ve tried to facilitate as many interviews as possible with media to help people understand what life is like in a pandemic when you have a medically fragile child.

I’ve had some success, but usually the stories are bumped for something jucier.

My day-to-day is supporting parents. After the removal of mandates for teachers I had parents who contacted me who I was worried might hurt themselves. This isn’t unusual. For awhile I had suicide crisis lines for every region printed and taped to my desk.

You might wonder why something like the removal of mandates in education would have that response - it’s because parents are exhausted from two years of walking an impossible line. When you have almost lost your child multiple times in their short life, it traumatises you. Add in a pandemic and it’s an almost out-of-body experience.

I am in therapy every week to cope with PTSD from almost seeing my baby die - more than once. I am working on helping my brain to understand that I can’t save him by doing all the things exactly right.

It feels so hard to explain it: Step on a crack and it’s my fault. We go to school but only without any cases. Touch wood. OK, we go to school but only with under five cases. They can play with their best friend but only outside. Touch a button. They can go to the park. But maybe not.

It has been estimated that life with type 1 diabetes requires at least 180 health related decisions every day. We make those decisions for our son. While navigating if a new medication for his thyroid will impact the other medication he’s on for another side effect of his other medication. This is just our experience…Imagine if you had a child with cancer? Or a child with a slow-growing brain tumour? Or a child with a degenerative disease?

It’s impossible to put into words just how exhausting it is to be making decisions constantly. And when the government makes calls without any notice, doesn’t adequately provide their reasoning or enough information for you to intregate the decision into your other decision-making….Well, you begin to see how it can become the thing that breaks you.

Many parents without children with disabilities are also protecting their children from Covid 19 for the simple fact that we don’t know the long-term outcomes of a child catching it. For example, there are stories coming out that even so-called “mild” COVID-19 may increase the risk of developing diabetes.

So, it seems to me entirely normal that a parent would do everything they can to avoid their child catching Covid 19. Why then are people calling these parents “maxi vaxxers”? And why are they being described like this:

Her story shows the difference between parents, which is spilling over into school communities – the anti-vaxxed and/or anti-masked parents, versus the parents fearful of Covid who don’t feel the jab is enough, who want masks to stay, and who, in some cases, have pulled their children out of either the classroom or sporting activities to avoid catching the virus. Professionals in health circles have called them maxi-vaxxers.

When I googled “Maxi-Vaxxers” I found only two pages of info. That Stuff article was at the top. “Maxi vaxx” had more responses - also only really from anti-vaxxers and the Outdoors Party…Yeah, the Outdoors party. There was nothing from medical professionals. Or “professionals in health circles” whatever that means. Unless…does it mean anti-vaxxers on Reddit?

This article is already being used as ammunition.

It’s at this stage, that you start to wonder why we are pathologising normal behaviour during a pandemic. It’s quite normal to want masks to stay, as normal as wanting to not have to wear one in fact. I don’t enjoy wearing a mask at all - but I still wear one…because, spoiler alert: We are in a pandemic. Removing your child from class or sport is also quite normal if you feel like there’s a safety risk.

So why is this being set up as an ‘us versus them’ situation? And why are parents now being given a ridiculous label for….parenting?

Maybe there’s more to it?

Some of the latter are immune-compromised, or in households with a vulnerable person, but not all are. In extreme cases, there are concerns fearful parents are isolating their children too much, and are susceptible to misinformation.

Isolating too much? Susceptible to misinformation? When I read this I clicked faster than a fast thing, because I wanted to know what misinformation I was susceptible to, to make sure I didn’t fall down any rabbit holes.

The link went to a fantastic article I shared when it was published by national treasure Michelle Duff: 'It's a hellscape': The age of misinformation is here - can government close the rabbit hole.

A really great article…That has absolutely nothing to do with parents choosing to wear masks and isolate during a pandemic to protect their children.

It’s all about those who choose not to do that.

So again, why is this being set up as an 'us versus them' situation? And why are parents now being given a ridiculous label for….parenting? Maybe there’s more to it?

Maybe they have an expert who gave expert advice…Let’s see…

First, let’s have about 12 paragraphs about how experts and principals are against the removal of masks in school, vaccination rates are low, schools aren’t well ventilated, and children are bringing home Covid. It’s almost like you can see why parents are taking precautions but let’s ask an expert:

Victoria University clinical psychologist Dr Dougal Sutherland said adjusting to living with Covid-19 can be psychologically difficult, and parents will need to balance their own fears against what’s best for the child, while listening to their own emotions.

The contrasting viewpoints reflect parents’ core values, for example freedom to choose vs health of the child. Schools would need to keep their policies transparent.

“Schools are in a dilemma, trying to balance the views of what can often be two extreme groups.”

Oh, I see. Let’s reinforce the false ‘us versus them’ dichotomy and then just imply they’re extremists lol. That is super useful.

In all seriousness, I share this because I really care about journalism. I am not a journalist but I grew up in newsrooms as my dad was one. And my first real job was as a journalist. I know the power the media has to shape public discourse in really difficult times.

It’s for that reason that I want anyone with a platform to be really considered in how they understand how vulnerable groups are feeling when they’re at their most vulnerable.

If you’re terrified and overwhelmed and you find an article that paints you as having an extreme view (that is akin to believing paedophile cabals are behind Covid): That’s going to make you feel like your decision-making is fucked.

If you’re already feeling desperately isolated - imagining an 'us versus them versus normal people in the middle’ war is only going to make you feel more alone.

Maxi-Vaxxers aren’t real. We don’t need a term to isolate parents of immune compromised or medically fragile kids further. We don’t need a term that carves off parents who don’t have disabled children even further away from those who do.

As a parent of a fragile child, I rely on people to think of me and my whānau when they’re making decisions about whether to go out when they’re sick or whether to vaccinate. I don’t want them to be mocked for that decision with a silly label.

All of this might seem like I’m reading into it too much or it might sound like the usual ramblings of a parent on the outer, but I’ll share it anyway.

Empathy is important. We grow our empathy by listening without judgement to the stories of others so we might know what keeps them awake at night.

We can be with them in the dark and with them in the morning light - but only if we make a conscious effort not to dissect their experiences and “other” them.

That is just one decision we can make.