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Oh I desperately want to read this book. I adore kids, but as a no-income-no-kids, lesbian, neurodiverse couple it just doesn't make sense for us.

I know I'd be an awesome mum and that our kids would be happy and loved. But I also know it takes all my energy just to look after myself, and it doesn't feel fair to me to sacrifice my own wellbeing for a person who doesn't even exist yet.

And tbh, if I was in a hetero relationship I'd probably have 'accidentally' gotten pregnant by now, so I'm grateful that I had to make a conscious decision.

But I'm a pretty damn epic aunty to all the kids in my life, and I get the grinning, squealing, tackle hugs I need.

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Arohanui Eleanor ❤️ I bet you’re an amazing aunty. I’m so grateful for all the aunties in my kids lives!

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I was part of the otherhood until 9ish years ago. Following the failure of my third relationship, thanks in part to the fallout from my second, I moved to a small town where the prospects of me finding an Other Half were, shall we say, slim. And there I stayed from the age of 28 to 36. It was looking very like that was it for me. I wonder if there is space in the book for women who just didn't find the right person in time, and didn't want to do it alone.

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I’m sure there is, they told me there’s been a big focus on having heaps of different experiences. There’s so many reasons why women don’t have tamariki.

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I love this bit from Kathryn because of how universally useful it is:

“For other people wanting to make positive change, I would recommend clearly identifying the problem, coming up with a possible solution, and then identifying the person who might be able to help you make it happen. “

Cos it’s so true! There are so many things that need fixing in the world and it’s so hard to know where to start but this formula is great.

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Isn’t it great? Really inspiring.

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Very late to comment...

I saw the proposed title of the anthology 'Otherhood, and I knew at once it applied to me.

It was a hard decision to submit an essay but I'm glad I did. Part of me is thrilled my essay was accepted, part of me is terrified that it means people are going to read it.

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Oh I can’t wait to read your essay! It’s a scary thing being vulnerable and putting your words out into the world - thank you for doing that ❤️ I know this anthology is going to make a huge difference in so many lives ❤️

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Great blog thanks. What comes later is the no grandchildren thing. It is a reality even for many of us who did have children.

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