One mother's fight to understand what her tween is talking about
How do you do fellow kids
What is your tween or teen talking about when they say you’re an Ohio Skibidy Rizz Gyatt Mog? I don’t know. But I tried.
Slang has always been a way to mock any and all older generations, which is the prerogative of every teen or tween ever. And it is the prerogative of every older generation to cling to not being overly cringe as they slide into deepening irrelevancy. But cringe we are. And to be cringe is to be free!
I told my son that and he said “…..” because he was not listening to me.
In an earnest attempt to understand the youth of the day, and him, I began a perilous journey of a few hours. I decided I would get to the bottom of just what the yoof of today are talking about.
Let’s start with the one I’m most interested in. Sigma. The kids today really like the Greek alphabet. But while the incel younger millennial might be obsessed with Alphas and Beta (soy boys), the kids are all about ‘sigmas’.
If an Alpha is a dominant man and Beta is a submissive man (I know it should be Omega but bare with me) then a ‘sigma’ is in-between. It’s a compliment because apparently being called Alpha is derogatory. But also my son said when I asked him if Beta and Alpha were insults: “I don’t know mum, I’m trying to play Minecraft”.
Goat is definitely a compliment. Goat still means Greatest of All Time. Unlike us, they say Goated more than they say Goat. Which means the same thing. I tried to tell my son about LL Cool J and how his name stood for Ladies Love Cool James and he said “mum please. Stop it”.
Skibidi toilet isn’t just an annoying thing kids say. It’s also a series of YouTube videos. I have not watched the videos because I am almost 40 and I cannot devote even a second of my life to understanding this.
I can tell you that if you want to use skibidy toilet in a sentence - 1) don’t. My son said: “dude, you don’t use it in a sentence. It’s a full sentence”.
Me: “So you just say skibidi toilet and nothing else?”
My son: “I don’t. But other people do. I dunno”.
Rizz stands for charisma. When to use it: Tell your child if they don’t clean their room you will yell out the window at their intermediate or high school their full name and: “I am so full of Rizz. I am a Rizzler!”
Tiktok failed to load.Enable 3rd party cookies or use another browser
Mewing / Mewing streak if I told you that this was a jaw exercise would you even believe me? Your mewing streak is how long you do the jaw exercise. It also sometimes comes with an action which is doing the ‘shush’ sign then drawing a line along your jaw. I know, I’m so tired.
Gooning well this either means, kidnapping troubled kids and putting them in camps, which is probably a National Party policy. Or it’s “A form of masturbation that involves edging ("maintaining sexual arousal without reaching orgasm") for a long period of time, resulting in a hypnotic, trance-like, state”.
With my heart beating a thousand miles an hour I asked my son if he knew what gooning is and thank God he doesn’t.
Because I worked in a sex shop, I know what edging is. But apparently, Gen TikTok (or whatever) uses it to make people uncomfortable online. Like, they would say ‘I edge you’. Have you ever felt older than in this moment?
When you’re Mogged you’re muscly and tall and very into looksmaxxing which involves mewing to make your jaw square and lifting weights. If you mog you’re more attractive than someone else. I know.
Ohio means you’re cringe. Tweens and teens in Aotearoa are saying this because the world is flat now thanks to the internet. Maybe it always has been because we used American slang here too back in the day….
Gyatt means butt. In particular a large butt. You might comment on my Instagram “gyatttttttt” because the more ts the more amazing your butt is.
Ohio Skibidi rizz a cringe person who is bad at flirting.
Ohio Gyatt Rizz a cringe person with a thicc (big) butt who is flirting (bad or good I’m unsure).
Phantom tax or Fanum Tax “MUM I don’t know! People just say it”. I asked another tween and they said it’s when you steal food from someone else’s plate?
Slay I’m assuming you know this. But it’s kind of like ‘You Go Girl’ was in the early oughts.
Baby gronk according to Wikipedia, Baby Gronk is an American youth football player and social media personality. It’s hugely Ohio to say this but, I’m pretty sure this is just like Skibidi and they just say it for no reason.
Bro/bruh along with dude this is almost exclusively what my child calls me now. I help the situation by saying if he calls me bra again I will tell him our birth story. Merely calling it ‘our’ birth story sends him into a cringe spiral. My bad I mean an Ohio baby gronk Skibidi spiral.
UwU means cute. It’s meant to symbolise two eyes closed with the w being the mouth. I assume this is the same as how some of us tragics (me) say LOL sometimes because we say it so much online.
A Furry is a person who dresses up as an animal for fun. But the teens and tweens use it a lot because they know it upsets boomers who think there’s cat litter in high schools. This is what I absolutely adore about younger generations - they’re very good at taking the piss.
Cap / no cap - cap means lie so no cap means no lie. Apparently cap fishing is when you hide that you’re bald under a cap. But I don’t think it’s connected.
Bet - The equivalent of the oughties ‘this!’ or I dunno, a Tautoko. Basically saying ‘I agree’. Like if someone said, “Emily is a MILF with a thicc gyatt who is very good at rizzing’ you would say ‘bet’.
L - Loser. I recently found out that devastatingly, if a Gen Z or Gen Alpha has simply said L underneath your post it means they think you’re a loser.
Yeet - To leave, or to throw, depending on the context. I’m told people say ‘yeet’ when they rush off. But also I have said I ‘yeeted my ute’ when I had my hysterectomy because I am young and relevant.
4+4 - ate - To ‘eat’ or ‘leave no crumbs’ is something you would have seen in drag parlance. It means you did well. 4+4 is just a more ridiculous way of saying ‘ate’. As in being told ‘you ate that mama’ when you vacuum your lounge particularly well while rocking The Warehouse trackies you bought because they were two for $30.
-coded - Similarly to goated I suppose. But my son long ago refused to participate in this family bonding exercise of me saying “What does Ohio mean??”. I have used -coded before. As in ‘that character is queer-coded’ but I believe, according to my son’s friends who might be mocking me, that it’s actually an insult to them. Like you’re so stereotypical you’re mum-coded. I don’t know. I think they’re making fun of me even though I’m a cool mum.
So what did I leave off? Probably a lot. Am I wrong? Almost definitely. But the journey continues. Yeet.
I hope I 4+4.
I fear I did not.
Maybe there is an opportunity for Duolingo to come to our rescue. Including emojis as well.
Studied this like notes for an exam in a desperate attempt to remain relevant.