All excellent advice. We've slowly simplified things over the years despite the occasional resistance.
Christmas morning with family, then we go home; we don't do a big lunch because we've all had bring-a-plate brunch already, and none of us really want a big roast meal. Everyone cooks the same thing every year in the morning: eggs, salmon, some ham, french toast, with lots of fresh berries and it's easy.
We don't buy presents for each other any more, bit the bullet and went to Secret Santa - there are far too many of us to all be buying each other presents that nobody wants. Mostly following the rule - if I can't eat it, drink it, or read it, I don't want it.
For the first time I can remember, it all seems very manageable, a few online orders, no trips to the mall. Just focus on spending time together and catching up.
I should add that we're all screaming lefties - so that helps. 😂
Meri Kirihimete Emily, family, and readers. Let's hope next year is better.
If I could be so cheeky, my newsletter from this morning is free if anyone would like to consider further the economic state we've ended the year in:
Christmas is quiet this year as it is just my son and I, and we don't feel like joining anyone else's celebrations. But I am feeling unduly happy because I just discovered that the Italian bakery and coffee shop near me will be open and I can walk up and buy fresh coffee and croissants. Yay!!!
Oh my goodness, thank you. Up until reading this my only plan had been to open the nice wine at breakfast and sip continuously throughout the day. On a totally related note, I am hosting alllll of my in-laws. You've probably just prevented a war with your advice :)
Love this - we are having Christmas with friends instead of extended family for the first time in my teenagers’ lives (and possibly only the second or third in mine!) so I just screen shotted the food section and sent it to my girls in advance of us all getting together! And with one being especially low in social energy the ideas for polite time out are also great. I’ve been criticised by a “friend” for taking some time out while on holiday with them and hated the way it made me feel well before I really understood what I was doing and why. Your writing always puts understanding into my head and words into my mouth - thank you and Merry Christmas to you and your family!
This is lovely. Honest communication is so important but sometimes so hard though. It took a few very unpleasant Christmases for me to realise that my mother MUST have a job. “Can I help with anything” means “give me a job or else I will feel useless and unwanted”.
Holy shit I’ve just realised this is what my mother needs too. I want her to just relax after doing everything for so many years, but hadn’t considered how that might make her feel (and she’s not one to tell me how she feels!) Thank you internet stranger and Emily for helping me understand my family and likely have a better Christmas 😂❤️
Love it! 😆 Years ago I decided that my youngest could eat his favourite foods at Christmas (none of the 4 meats or 1000 veges appealed to him, oh except maybe green beans). So he sat and ate his tin of tuna and punnet of cherry tomatoes. For dessert he had a punnet of blueberries 💙 Since them he has eaten some new things but also my sister-in-law always does a side of baked salmon (and leaves the sauce off his end). As my son loves salmon (so do I!).
But I'll get back to you on boxing day as this is the first Christmas for my beautiful trans-daughter (she came out in March). But I have high hopes that people can be adults!
Oh how special to celebrate together with your daughter this year ❤️ and I love how supportive your family is about your son’s food. Food can be very hard ❤️❤️
I decided we would order pizza for Xmas lunch this year as I am really tired and normally do all of the cooking. The only thing I’m making is mini pavlovas with my son as they are his favourite. I also bought all of his Santa presents in one hit in November when I did a trip to Palmerston North K Mart and Spotlight.
We've been relaxed about Christmas for decades now. Last few have been informal lunches with friends here who might otherwise be on their own. One Christmas, all the children were staying elsewhere, so we hiked up into the bush with some nice food, chocolate and wine and just blissed out at the plateau. Probably just us, the daughters and grandson this time. And yes, at social gatherings, I always have a book with me. I know that some people think it's rude, but if I need to withdraw and go into book world, then I do. Your son is very wise for his age.
Kia ora Emily. (I mean that in the thanks sense rather than the greetings sense). You have saved me with this sentence:
"If your presence is required or requested at Christmas, then it means whoever is hosting wants you to be there. ‘Being there’ doesn’t mean you need to overexert yourself socialising all day."
I really needed to hear that!
I am so grateful for you and your writing. Meri Kirihimete.
Merry Christmas to your family. Thank you for the tips on writing a submission. I'm on to it now school has finished for year. Talked to a colleague about a submission party like you suggested and she's going to do that. Also writing one on Winston's bill which is sort of hidden behind Seymore. Winston's much worse in a way because he could get away with it.
Oh yes!! So much worse! And I feel so overwhelmed trying to keep up with it all! It’s so hard. I’ve made so many submissions in the last six months 🫠😮💨 I will try to do a guide to Winston’s bill in the new year. I know very little about it at this stage.
Brilliant advice from your youngest and good food rules.
We used to have a rule that literally said “You don’t have to eat it but you’re not allowed to cry at the table ”. Looking back - was even that a bit mean? It obviously didn’t scar anyone as I remember one as a teenager telling me when I served nachos “It’s gross and looks like vomit”. Your rules about being nice to the chef were missing!
I was wondering if you have seen the book Raising Your Spirited Child? You’re basically writing and living an updated version. I found it very comforting.
I was so proud when my husband pointed me in the direction of this article when I was worrying about the fact that the chance of our toddler agreeing to wear her pretty Christmas dress was pretty low. It's just a day and if she is wearing current favourite outfit rather than her (admittedly absolutely gorgeous) dress that's OK. It's pretty cool to have my husband quoting Emily Writes back at me - a role reversal from newborn days when he had to hear me reading from Rants in the Dark.
Merry Christmas Writes Whanau! Let's all make it the day we want and need it to be.
I came to read this at 6:20am as I was stressing about family members who I’ve got a 3 day weekend ahead with judging my parenting of my ND kiddos. So good. Thanks for writing and sharing.
All excellent advice. We've slowly simplified things over the years despite the occasional resistance.
Christmas morning with family, then we go home; we don't do a big lunch because we've all had bring-a-plate brunch already, and none of us really want a big roast meal. Everyone cooks the same thing every year in the morning: eggs, salmon, some ham, french toast, with lots of fresh berries and it's easy.
We don't buy presents for each other any more, bit the bullet and went to Secret Santa - there are far too many of us to all be buying each other presents that nobody wants. Mostly following the rule - if I can't eat it, drink it, or read it, I don't want it.
For the first time I can remember, it all seems very manageable, a few online orders, no trips to the mall. Just focus on spending time together and catching up.
I should add that we're all screaming lefties - so that helps. 😂
Meri Kirihimete Emily, family, and readers. Let's hope next year is better.
If I could be so cheeky, my newsletter from this morning is free if anyone would like to consider further the economic state we've ended the year in:
https://nickrockel.substack.com/p/going-backwards
Screaming lefties always help! Please always share your newsletter- your mahi has been amazing. Miri kirihimete ❤️❤️❤️
Christmas is quiet this year as it is just my son and I, and we don't feel like joining anyone else's celebrations. But I am feeling unduly happy because I just discovered that the Italian bakery and coffee shop near me will be open and I can walk up and buy fresh coffee and croissants. Yay!!!
Oh that sounds like a lovely Christmas Day ❤️
Oh my goodness, thank you. Up until reading this my only plan had been to open the nice wine at breakfast and sip continuously throughout the day. On a totally related note, I am hosting alllll of my in-laws. You've probably just prevented a war with your advice :)
That sounds like the perfect Christmas!
Love this - we are having Christmas with friends instead of extended family for the first time in my teenagers’ lives (and possibly only the second or third in mine!) so I just screen shotted the food section and sent it to my girls in advance of us all getting together! And with one being especially low in social energy the ideas for polite time out are also great. I’ve been criticised by a “friend” for taking some time out while on holiday with them and hated the way it made me feel well before I really understood what I was doing and why. Your writing always puts understanding into my head and words into my mouth - thank you and Merry Christmas to you and your family!
I’m so happy to hear that Andrea❤️ I hope you have a lovely Christmas and can forget what that person said! Christmas redo!
Thanks! It was a long time ago, no worries lol…
This is lovely. Honest communication is so important but sometimes so hard though. It took a few very unpleasant Christmases for me to realise that my mother MUST have a job. “Can I help with anything” means “give me a job or else I will feel useless and unwanted”.
Yes! Honest communication is so so important!
Holy shit I’ve just realised this is what my mother needs too. I want her to just relax after doing everything for so many years, but hadn’t considered how that might make her feel (and she’s not one to tell me how she feels!) Thank you internet stranger and Emily for helping me understand my family and likely have a better Christmas 😂❤️
Love it! 😆 Years ago I decided that my youngest could eat his favourite foods at Christmas (none of the 4 meats or 1000 veges appealed to him, oh except maybe green beans). So he sat and ate his tin of tuna and punnet of cherry tomatoes. For dessert he had a punnet of blueberries 💙 Since them he has eaten some new things but also my sister-in-law always does a side of baked salmon (and leaves the sauce off his end). As my son loves salmon (so do I!).
But I'll get back to you on boxing day as this is the first Christmas for my beautiful trans-daughter (she came out in March). But I have high hopes that people can be adults!
Oh how special to celebrate together with your daughter this year ❤️ and I love how supportive your family is about your son’s food. Food can be very hard ❤️❤️
I decided we would order pizza for Xmas lunch this year as I am really tired and normally do all of the cooking. The only thing I’m making is mini pavlovas with my son as they are his favourite. I also bought all of his Santa presents in one hit in November when I did a trip to Palmerston North K Mart and Spotlight.
Perfect! Sounds like a great Christmas!
We've been relaxed about Christmas for decades now. Last few have been informal lunches with friends here who might otherwise be on their own. One Christmas, all the children were staying elsewhere, so we hiked up into the bush with some nice food, chocolate and wine and just blissed out at the plateau. Probably just us, the daughters and grandson this time. And yes, at social gatherings, I always have a book with me. I know that some people think it's rude, but if I need to withdraw and go into book world, then I do. Your son is very wise for his age.
A good book is a great companion ❤️
Kia ora Emily. (I mean that in the thanks sense rather than the greetings sense). You have saved me with this sentence:
"If your presence is required or requested at Christmas, then it means whoever is hosting wants you to be there. ‘Being there’ doesn’t mean you need to overexert yourself socialising all day."
I really needed to hear that!
I am so grateful for you and your writing. Meri Kirihimete.
I’m so glad it helped ❤️
Such wise suggestions from one so young and yourself. Enjoy your Wednesday 🎄🥰
Thank you Ann! And you too! ❤️
Merry Christmas to your family. Thank you for the tips on writing a submission. I'm on to it now school has finished for year. Talked to a colleague about a submission party like you suggested and she's going to do that. Also writing one on Winston's bill which is sort of hidden behind Seymore. Winston's much worse in a way because he could get away with it.
Oh yes!! So much worse! And I feel so overwhelmed trying to keep up with it all! It’s so hard. I’ve made so many submissions in the last six months 🫠😮💨 I will try to do a guide to Winston’s bill in the new year. I know very little about it at this stage.
Don't you have to move all the furniture to make room for the Christmas tree.
My kids said no tree this year, probably because it's such a rigmarole making space for the tree.
Good plan!
Brilliant advice from your youngest and good food rules.
We used to have a rule that literally said “You don’t have to eat it but you’re not allowed to cry at the table ”. Looking back - was even that a bit mean? It obviously didn’t scar anyone as I remember one as a teenager telling me when I served nachos “It’s gross and looks like vomit”. Your rules about being nice to the chef were missing!
I was wondering if you have seen the book Raising Your Spirited Child? You’re basically writing and living an updated version. I found it very comforting.
https://www.amazon.com.au/dp/0060739665?ref_=mr_direct_us_au_nz&showmri
I’ve been recommended it but haven’t read it so that makes me happy! I think we are all just muddling through eh? ❤️
I was so proud when my husband pointed me in the direction of this article when I was worrying about the fact that the chance of our toddler agreeing to wear her pretty Christmas dress was pretty low. It's just a day and if she is wearing current favourite outfit rather than her (admittedly absolutely gorgeous) dress that's OK. It's pretty cool to have my husband quoting Emily Writes back at me - a role reversal from newborn days when he had to hear me reading from Rants in the Dark.
Merry Christmas Writes Whanau! Let's all make it the day we want and need it to be.
Oh this is the best 😭😭😭😭
I needed to read this 🥰
❤️❤️❤️
I came to read this at 6:20am as I was stressing about family members who I’ve got a 3 day weekend ahead with judging my parenting of my ND kiddos. So good. Thanks for writing and sharing.