We need to talk about sexual safety for disabled children
It's time for some brave conversations.
When I took the call about the potential to host a podcast I was looking forward to hearing more. I’ve been co-host for a few podcasts and I enjoyed the process. My stomach dropped though when I heard what the podcast would be about.
The Courage Club is a podcast that aims to encourage parents to have brave chats about our disability and sexual safety and our kids. Made in partnership with HELP Auckland and Rape Prevention Education, it aims to tackle a serious subject.
A serious subject that I didn’t want to think about.
No parent wants to think about any harm coming to their child. We are hardwired to want to shut down thoughts about anyone hurting our babies. Sexual harm as a topic is a particularly terrifying one to face.
Personally, I felt really afraid to face it. I have always known the statistics around sexual harm in the disabled community. In Aotearoa, our Deaf, disabled and neurodiverse tamariki are at increased risk of sexual harm. Disabled adults have a higher risk of experiencing sexual assault during their lifetime.
"Reliable statistics on the prevalence of sexual violence against disabled people are not readily available; however, two systematic reviews found that adults with disabilities were 1.5 times more likely to be victims of violence of any type than non disabled adults (Hughes, et al., 2012). These reviews also found that children with disabilities were 2.9 times more likely to be victims of sexual violence compared to non-disabled children while those with cognitive impairments were 4.6 times more likely to be victims (Jones, et al., 2012)."
I am a survivor, and I’m neurodivergent, and I have a neurodivergent child and a medically fragile child. It felt like a triple whammy.
It was just so incredibly daunting to even think about opening that door. Did I want to reexamine how I survived? No.
Did I want to think about what I, along with the support of my community and fellow parents, could do to make sure no other tamariki suffer sexual harm? Well…yes. Absolutely.
So, with the support of my husband and whānau, I decided to open that door.
I said yes to the podcast, after a family hui that included my tamariki. We talked as a whānau about the logistics of recording (in that I’d have to go travel to Tāmaki Makaurau) and the reality of recording. The reality is I’d be sharing things we usually consider private. I’d be learning at the same time as the podcast’s audience and I might make mistakes. I’d be talking about really hard things and it might be hard for my mental health.
“Well, I think mum you just have to be brave,” my eldest son said.
I felt like he’d gotten to the heart of it all. This is all about us refusing to turn away. It’s about courageous conversations, conversations you don’t want to have. It’s about looking the thing in the eye that you don’t want to see.
The result is a a series of brave chats that I truly hope will change lives and help us keep our children safe and secure.
We recorded the podcast over five days. There were tears but also laughter. There was joy, jokes, heavy stuff, big truths, realisations, epiphanies. On my final day of filming I was exhausted but grateful. I knew what we had set out to achieve and I felt like we had achieved it.
We had brave conversations. And we recorded those conversations. For all parents, but especially parents of disabled, neurodivergent, and medically fragile children. We laid it all out. We struggled sometimes and other times the words just tumbled out of us.
We wanted to create a space where we could begin a conversation that you will carry on with your family. The goal is huge - preventing child sexual abuse. But every journey begins with a single step.
In the podcast you’ll hear about how we can help tamariki understand their body and their needs, navigating carers and visitors in and out of the home, and building the foundations for their positive sexual well-being and identity.
You’ll also hear us trying to navigate this in our own ways. Because every guest is in the same place you are, I mean I’m in the same place you are. We all decided we want to protect our tamariki. We all decided that no matter how hard it is, we are doing it.
We are all taking that first step - together.
I hope you’ll join us and share the podcast with your friends and family. My greatest hope is that we all feel a little braver. We are all part of a club - The Courage Club - and I know that we can make a difference.
Listen to The Courage Club on Spotify | Apple | Youtube. Get more resources at The Courage Club.
It’s a hard topic but such an important one. I’d like to mention that in nz, acc funds counselling for people who have experienced sexual harm. It’s called. A sensitive claim and while the initial assessment can be a bit intense, it’s worth it in the long run. It can be historic, and does not require a police report. I’ve been working with my counsellor for quite a while now and without her help I’d be a mess.
added to list for weekend! Awesome Emily, can't wait to listen. Sounds so necessary. On the other side of hard things there's always a reward, thank you for saying yes.