Such awesome writing. I love how you write my thoughts 😂 thanks for that!! I think this is a really clear way the patriarchy has used feminism against women. Our grandmothers (too be fair, not mine specifically... other people's grandmothers!) fought for equality but ignoring glaring differences is not equality. Giving birth SUX. Obviously it's worth it for my beautiful children blah blah blah but it really does suck! And it's so interesting that this is when there anti vaxxers strike. Grrr, they make ne SO angry!
So much this. However, I've been so lucky to have a (male) GP who listens, and nurses who listen. I was in getting an urgent visit for my 5month old (second born) with a nurse, I honestly can't remember why, to see if he needed seen by a Dr. After listening to me, and checking my son, she looked at me and asked if I was ok. I burst into tears. She listened more. She got me in to see the GP as soon as he was free (sorry to whoever had their appointments bumped back, one of the reasons I never complain about a Dr being behind schedule) and he started talking to me about PND. We discussed meds, he put me on one, while also making a referrals to the DHB for counselling (spoiler, even for an urgent appointment, it was weeks before I was contacted and then weeks before I was seen. Currently work in an area that helps with child mental health in the private sector, and honestly, it's almost worse, we really need more funding in there areas but I don't know that we have the people available to fill the gaps) and Plunket for the Mental Health nurse to come and see what they could do to help (also weeks from memory). When I spend the first night unable to sleep due to nausea (taken at night so I could "sleep through" any bad side effects, the GP listened and changed the medication straight away, there was no "give it time, the side effects will lessen over time" or anything. I'm not sure if that was also because I said I wouldn't be taking them again, as I couldn't look after two small children on no sleep. Husband took a sick day from work that day to look after the kids.
So while I've been lucky, there have been so many friends I have said "go back to the GP, make sure you ask about XYZ, keep pushing, because something isn't right" to, it's not right. These women shouldn't need to keep going back to have their voices heard.
It really makes me feel so sad they women are treated like they don’t know their own bodies by male GPs who “know better”. I feel fortunate that our GP, who is male, was always very reassuring when I brought my firstborn in for any reason, he always started with “it’s great that you brought her in to be checked” regardless of whether it was anything he really needed to see her for. It gave me a lot more confidence that my concerns were considered and for my second child I felt in a better position to decide if she needed a GP or not. In her case she had health problems her first 18 months so feeling confident that I wouldn’t be dismissed by taking her was a relief.
It makes me sad and angry that other women are belittled or dismissed, gah it boils my blood!
I had a wee cry after reading this too, as I was ignored by so many for so long. I had to fight and advocate so hard for my little one. Turns out I was right too, and the diagnosis was a lot more devastating then anyone expected. I cannot imagine how rough it is for other families who don't have the time, ability, and strength to advocate as hard, or for people whose cultures do not question those in authority.
Yes! All of this. Also being sent away with a diagnosis but very little information on how to live with/manage it meaning that I have to Google it myself and shift through all the information myself. There is so much miss information out there and it's really hard to work out which ones are accurate or not. The best support I got for one of my conditions was from a Facebook group (run and moderated by people with actual qualifications on the subject).
Hopefully ACC will soon cover a lot more birth injuries. The Minister is going to introduce a bill before the end of the year to address this, as a result of lobbying and advocacy from many women.
I have so many things like this! My daughter eye, at two years old, started turning in and our GP told me she was just messing around. This didn’t sit well and I begged several optometrists to have a look at her and the one who would see a 2 yr old took one look at her and immediately referred us to the hospital. She had surgery on both eyes shortly after and again on the more severe one at 5 yrs old (this year). She has a lovely ophthalmologist/surgeon (a woman). Her eyesight has improved and she is getting her 3D vision back, neither thing would have been possible if I listened to the GP.
My new GP is the most thorough and understanding woman ever. We all love her so much, my (actual hypochondriac) husband feels comfortable with her which is amazing.
As for postpartum support, it was dismal. I hated plunket. The lady I had there was like a robot. I brought my husband so he could see and the plunket nurse freaked out that he was controlling me and that I had to bring him. I never went back for that kid. After my 2nd, I went to plunket and found I was with the same nurse. I made it a couple appointments and then skipped the rest.
I found one good Plunket nurse, but only ever had her once. I ended up only using them for height/weight, because then at least it was the same scales.
I note for others with new babies out there, Plunket is NOT the only Well Child Provider out there. Find out who is a provider in your area. It's also not something you HAVE to do, however, it can be a good way of picking up on some developmental things early (if you have a good provider)
Thank you for writing this… I have experienced so much of this.
My midwife was a whole hearted natural birth advocate which I whole heartedly embraced until my 13th hour of contractions in an induced labour where I wasn’t being offered an epidural because she didn’t hold a certificate to support me if I did…
I was prescribed domperidone when my girl was 6 weeks old to boost my milk supply because it was decided I was “too anxious for letdown” (my daughter has a lip and tongue tie which went undiagnosed until 9 months when I demanded to see a lactation consultant. The Plunket nurse had me coming in weekly for weigh ins and stressing about her “failure to thrive”, but she never thought to check her wee mouth or refer us to a lactation consultant.
I thought a holistic medical approach would suit us, but pulled the plug on that Medical Centre and Mums and Bubs group when the practising GP came and held a meeting declaring that unvaccinated children caught less of the common viruses going around, amongst other claims - (with a captive room of well meaning mums scribbling notes).
And after the birth of my second daughter I paid more than $100 in three visits to the doctor with increasingly debilitating pain in my hands and feet to be told each time that I was “tired”, I was “a busy mum”, and that “I needed a good rest…” …finally a woman doctor sent me for bloods which came back high rheumatoid factor and referred me to hospital who diagnosed rheumatoid arthritis.
It’s like having a “Mum” status confounds medical practice!! And yes we consult our village before paying to be dismissed and insulted at best and (harmfully mistreated at worst).
Thank you for helping me reflect on this - processing these things is all part of the journey, our journey xxx
Such awesome writing. I love how you write my thoughts 😂 thanks for that!! I think this is a really clear way the patriarchy has used feminism against women. Our grandmothers (too be fair, not mine specifically... other people's grandmothers!) fought for equality but ignoring glaring differences is not equality. Giving birth SUX. Obviously it's worth it for my beautiful children blah blah blah but it really does suck! And it's so interesting that this is when there anti vaxxers strike. Grrr, they make ne SO angry!
So much this. However, I've been so lucky to have a (male) GP who listens, and nurses who listen. I was in getting an urgent visit for my 5month old (second born) with a nurse, I honestly can't remember why, to see if he needed seen by a Dr. After listening to me, and checking my son, she looked at me and asked if I was ok. I burst into tears. She listened more. She got me in to see the GP as soon as he was free (sorry to whoever had their appointments bumped back, one of the reasons I never complain about a Dr being behind schedule) and he started talking to me about PND. We discussed meds, he put me on one, while also making a referrals to the DHB for counselling (spoiler, even for an urgent appointment, it was weeks before I was contacted and then weeks before I was seen. Currently work in an area that helps with child mental health in the private sector, and honestly, it's almost worse, we really need more funding in there areas but I don't know that we have the people available to fill the gaps) and Plunket for the Mental Health nurse to come and see what they could do to help (also weeks from memory). When I spend the first night unable to sleep due to nausea (taken at night so I could "sleep through" any bad side effects, the GP listened and changed the medication straight away, there was no "give it time, the side effects will lessen over time" or anything. I'm not sure if that was also because I said I wouldn't be taking them again, as I couldn't look after two small children on no sleep. Husband took a sick day from work that day to look after the kids.
So while I've been lucky, there have been so many friends I have said "go back to the GP, make sure you ask about XYZ, keep pushing, because something isn't right" to, it's not right. These women shouldn't need to keep going back to have their voices heard.
It really makes me feel so sad they women are treated like they don’t know their own bodies by male GPs who “know better”. I feel fortunate that our GP, who is male, was always very reassuring when I brought my firstborn in for any reason, he always started with “it’s great that you brought her in to be checked” regardless of whether it was anything he really needed to see her for. It gave me a lot more confidence that my concerns were considered and for my second child I felt in a better position to decide if she needed a GP or not. In her case she had health problems her first 18 months so feeling confident that I wouldn’t be dismissed by taking her was a relief.
It makes me sad and angry that other women are belittled or dismissed, gah it boils my blood!
I had a wee cry after reading this too, as I was ignored by so many for so long. I had to fight and advocate so hard for my little one. Turns out I was right too, and the diagnosis was a lot more devastating then anyone expected. I cannot imagine how rough it is for other families who don't have the time, ability, and strength to advocate as hard, or for people whose cultures do not question those in authority.
I cried reading your article. And not because I'm a hysterical mother, but because I felt heard. Understood. Believed.
Thank you, from all of us 1st-time-mums who are battling the physical, mental and financial repercussions of having our beautiful babies.
Yes! All of this. Also being sent away with a diagnosis but very little information on how to live with/manage it meaning that I have to Google it myself and shift through all the information myself. There is so much miss information out there and it's really hard to work out which ones are accurate or not. The best support I got for one of my conditions was from a Facebook group (run and moderated by people with actual qualifications on the subject).
Hopefully ACC will soon cover a lot more birth injuries. The Minister is going to introduce a bill before the end of the year to address this, as a result of lobbying and advocacy from many women.
I have so many things like this! My daughter eye, at two years old, started turning in and our GP told me she was just messing around. This didn’t sit well and I begged several optometrists to have a look at her and the one who would see a 2 yr old took one look at her and immediately referred us to the hospital. She had surgery on both eyes shortly after and again on the more severe one at 5 yrs old (this year). She has a lovely ophthalmologist/surgeon (a woman). Her eyesight has improved and she is getting her 3D vision back, neither thing would have been possible if I listened to the GP.
My new GP is the most thorough and understanding woman ever. We all love her so much, my (actual hypochondriac) husband feels comfortable with her which is amazing.
As for postpartum support, it was dismal. I hated plunket. The lady I had there was like a robot. I brought my husband so he could see and the plunket nurse freaked out that he was controlling me and that I had to bring him. I never went back for that kid. After my 2nd, I went to plunket and found I was with the same nurse. I made it a couple appointments and then skipped the rest.
I found one good Plunket nurse, but only ever had her once. I ended up only using them for height/weight, because then at least it was the same scales.
I note for others with new babies out there, Plunket is NOT the only Well Child Provider out there. Find out who is a provider in your area. It's also not something you HAVE to do, however, it can be a good way of picking up on some developmental things early (if you have a good provider)
This is so good.
Thank you for writing this… I have experienced so much of this.
My midwife was a whole hearted natural birth advocate which I whole heartedly embraced until my 13th hour of contractions in an induced labour where I wasn’t being offered an epidural because she didn’t hold a certificate to support me if I did…
I was prescribed domperidone when my girl was 6 weeks old to boost my milk supply because it was decided I was “too anxious for letdown” (my daughter has a lip and tongue tie which went undiagnosed until 9 months when I demanded to see a lactation consultant. The Plunket nurse had me coming in weekly for weigh ins and stressing about her “failure to thrive”, but she never thought to check her wee mouth or refer us to a lactation consultant.
I thought a holistic medical approach would suit us, but pulled the plug on that Medical Centre and Mums and Bubs group when the practising GP came and held a meeting declaring that unvaccinated children caught less of the common viruses going around, amongst other claims - (with a captive room of well meaning mums scribbling notes).
And after the birth of my second daughter I paid more than $100 in three visits to the doctor with increasingly debilitating pain in my hands and feet to be told each time that I was “tired”, I was “a busy mum”, and that “I needed a good rest…” …finally a woman doctor sent me for bloods which came back high rheumatoid factor and referred me to hospital who diagnosed rheumatoid arthritis.
It’s like having a “Mum” status confounds medical practice!! And yes we consult our village before paying to be dismissed and insulted at best and (harmfully mistreated at worst).
Thank you for helping me reflect on this - processing these things is all part of the journey, our journey xxx
Yes Emily! Thank you ❤️