Most important words to avoid “you just need to…..” either to the child: “you just need to take a bite” or to the parents: “you just need to keep offering a variety of foods”. Trust us we have already tried it.
Meri Kirihimete to the Writes whanau. Eating can be such a battleground. Trying to get my nd kid to eat breakfast every morning is so hard. I’ve definitely loosened my definition of breakfast by a long way, it’s still frustrating though! We sat down and made a menu together a while ago and that’s been the most helpful thing for removing the tension.
Also wanted to say thank you for your mahi this year! I hate this government and so many things going on right now but your newsletter is like a little coffee break in my day, something funny or thought provoking or sometimes achingly beautiful. I appreciate you, and consider my subscription well worth the money. Ngā mihi nui.
Such an excellent and sensitive and, yes, cheerful advisory to those of us who adore providing food over the festive season. Exceptionally useful to know what to do when a young one prefers the wrapping over what's inside! Kapai hakari tatou
Beautiful thank you. I wish I had had this advice!
And also thank you for the previous article about ending xmas gatherings. I did it! I said- “It’s time for me to have my nap” and the (remaining) guests got up and left! I think they were ready to go too actually. Then I did have a nap!
I struggle with feeling judged around what my child eats (people aren't necessarily commenting but I still feel shame). I try really hard not to put that onto my child though, we're in a much better/relaxed place than we were a few years ago. He's even added some new and previously accepted foods into his meal rotation! But dinner still doesn't look like anyone else's idea of an evening meal.
All of which to say, thanks for writing this post!
Thanks for this Emily. It gave me permission to take bread, avocado, tomato and cucumber to Christmas lunch, and give my kid avocado on toast with tomato and cucumber well clear of each other on the plate. For the first time she had a decent Christmas lunch, and no-one said a thing 😊
I always learn something from your writings Emily, thanks so much! My first son wasn't a great eater as a kid and I did feel the shame but now he's a grown man & fantastic cook...yay! Have a lovely Xmas.
Thank you for sharing such an excellent and informative piece. So good to know how to best support those wee ones and their families instead of adding to the stress.
This is a great round up, thank you, Emily. Our ND has been on such a journey around meals - at times traumatic for all of us. We have learnt such a lot - you are so right, we don't know much when we become parents, but we learn!
My son does the obsessive eating followed by completely rejecting it. When he was little he would a say 'I hate xxx why do you give it to me. I've always hated it' to foods that the day before he had eaten for breakfast lunch and dinner. Now at 18 he is better able to articulate that the hyperfixation has passed and he needs to rest that food for now.
We are in a place now where our son will join us for celebration meals and he manages his needs - puts his ipods in (one or both) or leaves the table if he needs to. We teach others who might visit that he knows his own needs best.
Finally, what I've learnt I apply to my kindergarten work. When I sit with parents before their child starts we talk about the lunch box and I say kindergarten is not a place to experiment, they are to put in foods they know their child will eat.
Yes, and not just little ones. My neurodivergent daughter is now nearly 48 and whanau meals (birthdays, Christmas) have to be managed carefully still. She wants to be included, but too many voices, feeling pressured to choose, cause anxiety. The food itself, thankfully, is not really an issue any more.
Have you seen Hannah on My ARFID journey? She is doing so well, and sharing knowledge about ARFID which I didn’t know about before. My mokos have safe foods and it is hard to reconcile that with‘healthy’ options when they are here. I try not to worry too much and concentrate on tummies full.
Have a fantastic Christmas and thank you for all your hard work this year.
Thanks for sharing I remember the comments on my daughter's plate and me having to run interference, just keep your eyes on your own plate and she's happy with what she's chosen (and so was I). Noodles and BK chips are still her safe foods at 24 years.
Most important words to avoid “you just need to…..” either to the child: “you just need to take a bite” or to the parents: “you just need to keep offering a variety of foods”. Trust us we have already tried it.
Meri Kirihimete to the Writes whanau. Eating can be such a battleground. Trying to get my nd kid to eat breakfast every morning is so hard. I’ve definitely loosened my definition of breakfast by a long way, it’s still frustrating though! We sat down and made a menu together a while ago and that’s been the most helpful thing for removing the tension.
Also wanted to say thank you for your mahi this year! I hate this government and so many things going on right now but your newsletter is like a little coffee break in my day, something funny or thought provoking or sometimes achingly beautiful. I appreciate you, and consider my subscription well worth the money. Ngā mihi nui.
Such an excellent and sensitive and, yes, cheerful advisory to those of us who adore providing food over the festive season. Exceptionally useful to know what to do when a young one prefers the wrapping over what's inside! Kapai hakari tatou
Very enlightening thank you Emily - from a Granny who didn't know or understand any of those things when my children were growing up.
Beautiful thank you. I wish I had had this advice!
And also thank you for the previous article about ending xmas gatherings. I did it! I said- “It’s time for me to have my nap” and the (remaining) guests got up and left! I think they were ready to go too actually. Then I did have a nap!
You work so hard Emily for the benefit of so many people.
My old eyes have been opened through reading your column.
Hope you can get some well deserved rest over this ‘festive’ season which seems to get less and less festive as time passes.
For me the day after Christmas is always a blessed relief.
365 days of freedom until the next one lands on us.
And I used to enjoy it so much when my kids were young, in a galaxy far far away.
Much love to all.
I struggle with feeling judged around what my child eats (people aren't necessarily commenting but I still feel shame). I try really hard not to put that onto my child though, we're in a much better/relaxed place than we were a few years ago. He's even added some new and previously accepted foods into his meal rotation! But dinner still doesn't look like anyone else's idea of an evening meal.
All of which to say, thanks for writing this post!
Thanks Emily. A big help to me. Happy Christmas.
Thanks for this Emily. It gave me permission to take bread, avocado, tomato and cucumber to Christmas lunch, and give my kid avocado on toast with tomato and cucumber well clear of each other on the plate. For the first time she had a decent Christmas lunch, and no-one said a thing 😊
I always learn something from your writings Emily, thanks so much! My first son wasn't a great eater as a kid and I did feel the shame but now he's a grown man & fantastic cook...yay! Have a lovely Xmas.
Thank you for sharing such an excellent and informative piece. So good to know how to best support those wee ones and their families instead of adding to the stress.
This is a great round up, thank you, Emily. Our ND has been on such a journey around meals - at times traumatic for all of us. We have learnt such a lot - you are so right, we don't know much when we become parents, but we learn!
My son does the obsessive eating followed by completely rejecting it. When he was little he would a say 'I hate xxx why do you give it to me. I've always hated it' to foods that the day before he had eaten for breakfast lunch and dinner. Now at 18 he is better able to articulate that the hyperfixation has passed and he needs to rest that food for now.
We are in a place now where our son will join us for celebration meals and he manages his needs - puts his ipods in (one or both) or leaves the table if he needs to. We teach others who might visit that he knows his own needs best.
Finally, what I've learnt I apply to my kindergarten work. When I sit with parents before their child starts we talk about the lunch box and I say kindergarten is not a place to experiment, they are to put in foods they know their child will eat.
Once again, thank you for your mahi.
Yes, and not just little ones. My neurodivergent daughter is now nearly 48 and whanau meals (birthdays, Christmas) have to be managed carefully still. She wants to be included, but too many voices, feeling pressured to choose, cause anxiety. The food itself, thankfully, is not really an issue any more.
Have you seen Hannah on My ARFID journey? She is doing so well, and sharing knowledge about ARFID which I didn’t know about before. My mokos have safe foods and it is hard to reconcile that with‘healthy’ options when they are here. I try not to worry too much and concentrate on tummies full.
Have a fantastic Christmas and thank you for all your hard work this year.
♥️Megan
Thanks for sharing I remember the comments on my daughter's plate and me having to run interference, just keep your eyes on your own plate and she's happy with what she's chosen (and so was I). Noodles and BK chips are still her safe foods at 24 years.
As always your writing just nails it! Ngā Mihi 💞