Lovely, lovely piece of writing which I will share with friends and whānau. For anyone reading this comment this is a reminder from your friendly neighbourhood long covid disabled Pākehā Aussie (me) to consider covid mitigations at Christmas and not just for those older family members and those with existing conditions. For everyone. If you have an immune system (I’m assuming you all do) even with up to date vaccination you’re at a 10-20% risk of long covid, and this risk goes up after each reinfection. If you won’t mask or test, at least don’t turn up symptomatic. Disabling a loved one won’t make for a Happy Christmas.
What a wise kid. I consider myself so so lucky to have been welcomed into my partner's family xmases. In the mid-late morning those of us who like cooking start on lunch. Once everything is ready we gorge ourselves on all our favourite foods until we're all borderline comatose. Then we nap/sit in a quiet corner playing phone games. Once we come back to life we have seconds and usually play a boardgame. And once we get hungry we eat pav and go home.
My family xmas is always "All that matters is that everybody has a good time" which sounds great except that it actually means "If you're not having a good time you're ruining christmas for everyone. Cheer the fuck up"
Merry Christmas Emily and whanau, thank you for all you have given us this year! Emily, I literally love your work, I love being able to support by subscribing (and am aware of what a privilege that is, in both senses actually!) thank you for the little glimpses into your life, and of those two excellent humans you and your husband are raising (my workmate’s year was made when Ham complemented her in the quiz that was shared!). I hope you get to take a break from writing over the break.
Some years back, another lifetime ago really, my then 3 year old nibling sat down at the Christmas dinner table and cried "where are my pritters?"
Because when you are three, and you are promised a very special Christmas dinner at Nan and Pop's, that meal would naturally include the most special food of all - Nana's corn fritters.
Come boxing day there were Nana's fritters a plenty, and a new family tradition was born.
Corn fritters were eventually replaced by potato salad and this year the cousins are lining up to cook.
So, with another generational changing of the guard - our family are agnostically blessed to have 3 generations cooking this Christmas, and 4 generations seated at our table.
And I am most excited to learn from my great-nibling what we forgot to cook them!
Pop (still) makes the (best) Christmas cake. Nana taught him the secret of her success, and we all treasure this small slice of perfection that is steeped in time old family tradition.
To all of our loved ones, both present and departed.
Thank you Ms Em. You are possibly the sanest person whose seasonal survival advice I have seen, and not just today; and certainly one of the kindest. May you and yours go well , whichever day your whanau gathers.
That's one wise and special 8 year old you have. I'm going to keep this advice front of mind to try to make the holidays a far less stressful time this year. Thanks to you and Ham for sharing x
He is so wise. So many excellent lessons about keeping things simple. And I am 100% with him on role defining. Especially at work and on projects, and what is Christmas Day but a project.
Also, I would sit and listen to any of the fact outpouring because nothing is more interesting than information delivered by someone who is passionate about it <3
Yes!!! It's actually such a good ice breaker to ask people what their 'special interest' is - because we have found everyone has something they're really interested in - maybe not to the same extent but still...And truly the way a kid's face lights up when you just listen to them talk about whatever gasses them up is the best ❤️
I’m pretty sure I’m neurotypical, but very introverted, I wish I had the sense to just politely excuse myself and leave when I’m starting to feel social overwhelm. Problem is hubby is an extrovert and sometimes it takes a while for him to see that I’m done, even after quietly saying so. Your son is a wise soul. Although right now I’m salty that the bil has declared that he’s hosting xmas lunch without any discussion with anyone in his family who were all expecting to have a last Christmas at the parents house before they move into a retirement village next year and no one in his family have the guts to tell him to pull his head in. Unfortunately it’s not my battle, it’s hubby’s brother and I’ve already had one argument with him this year.
Oh I’m sorry Bernadette that’s really hard. Maybe there’s a way to also go there for a special toast? To say goodbye together and share happy memories? I so hear you about introversion! That’s my husband, I’m the extroverted one and I often have to be reminded that even if I’m having the best time, I need to remember when others are feeling overwhelmed! We do a ‘tag out’ sometimes where he will go with our youngest and leave me and my big boy (the two extroverts) to keep filling our cup with social activity! It can be hard balancing everything eh?
Thanks Emily. These truly are rules for a fun/stress free Christmas we do many, many of these already, but I have taken note of the rest! Gold level advice from your eight year old. Wishing you and your wonderful whānau a very meri kirihimete and thank you for all your amazing, poignant and hilarious work this year it has got me through many a ‘moment’ 💕
Oh Emily, this is marvellous! I wish I had known about the 'role for everyone' idea when my kids were growing up. I think I brought the 'Christmas stress/emotional baggage' stuff on myself, because the day was never a drama, to be honest. But I was just never relaxed! I'm better now, as an oldish lady - lol, and like your son I see Christmas as just a day. Which it really is! When I start worrying about the success or otherwise of my pavlova, I reflect on how unimportant it is in the grand scheme of things. Sorry for the ramble!
Not a ramble! I totally get you! I also found it so stressful watching all of the mahi fall on the women in our whanau for so long - clear roles stops people being able to avoid helping (there’s always a few *cough* men!). Oooh I’m excited about pav tho!
We live in a beautiful part of the country and have lots of space, so often have family visiting. Not on Christmas Day itself, but the other days they’re here, I tend to get up early, before the heat, have some quiet time to myself before they get up, socialise for a few hours, then have a nap while they all complain about how hot it is
Do you know what? I’m distraught about Shane McGownans passing (shagged him once!) because it lays odds on Fairytail of New York becoming the #1 Xmas song, and I don’t think I can cope. So no traditional Xmas this year. We all cope the way we can 🙂🌈
Also sorry for your loss but omg I was not expecting ‘banged Shane McGowan’ in these comments and I love it. I am absolutely obsessed with Fairytale it’s my second fave Christmas song after White Wine in the Sun! ❤️
Thanks Emily, I really need to hear this - it’s validating that other people are doing things their own way. I’ve been trying to scale back my Xmas since one year I put on a whole Xmas lunch that I actually blank on now because I was feverish with the flu the whole time! We’re lucky (?) in that our families all live in the North Island and we don’t have the pressure to visit at Xmas time, so we can change the traditions to suit ourselves. But it’s still taking me a long time to extract myself from my own expectations for the holidays, though I’m slowly getting there!
I second the wonderful comment about how privileged we are to support you, and in exchange have a glimpse of your life. I love how honest you are about how big the feels can get/how your health has been impacted. I'm so glad you have actively been taking time for yourself this year. I'd like to think your tribe has your back and you didn't lose any awesome people by being honest with us.
Thank you for opening my eyes to so many viewpoints, insights and plain old news that I would've missed without you. Also massive thanks to you and the boys for Cat Compliments and the "I am a Burrito" meditation, which still get me smiling on the toughest days.
Enjoy whatever day Christmas falls on this year, spending time with loved ones (and not so loved ones) is a privilege we can all be grateful for, and can remember that while politely changing the subject!!
Great approach. Our whanau has decided to take a picnic to the beach. And that's it for THE DAY. We'll socialize more informally on other days. One year, all the kids were staying with relations elsewhere, so husband and I just hiked up into the bush and picnicked by ourselves. It was bliss.
Lovely, lovely piece of writing which I will share with friends and whānau. For anyone reading this comment this is a reminder from your friendly neighbourhood long covid disabled Pākehā Aussie (me) to consider covid mitigations at Christmas and not just for those older family members and those with existing conditions. For everyone. If you have an immune system (I’m assuming you all do) even with up to date vaccination you’re at a 10-20% risk of long covid, and this risk goes up after each reinfection. If you won’t mask or test, at least don’t turn up symptomatic. Disabling a loved one won’t make for a Happy Christmas.
Yes! Absolutely! I am planning a post about this ❤️❤️❤️
Aroha nui 🙏
What a wise kid. I consider myself so so lucky to have been welcomed into my partner's family xmases. In the mid-late morning those of us who like cooking start on lunch. Once everything is ready we gorge ourselves on all our favourite foods until we're all borderline comatose. Then we nap/sit in a quiet corner playing phone games. Once we come back to life we have seconds and usually play a boardgame. And once we get hungry we eat pav and go home.
My family xmas is always "All that matters is that everybody has a good time" which sounds great except that it actually means "If you're not having a good time you're ruining christmas for everyone. Cheer the fuck up"
It’s so hard eh when there’s so much pressure to be full of Christmas cheer! Low key Christmas is the best ❤️
Merry Christmas Emily and whanau, thank you for all you have given us this year! Emily, I literally love your work, I love being able to support by subscribing (and am aware of what a privilege that is, in both senses actually!) thank you for the little glimpses into your life, and of those two excellent humans you and your husband are raising (my workmate’s year was made when Ham complemented her in the quiz that was shared!). I hope you get to take a break from writing over the break.
Oh you’re so lovely Lisa - you’ve really made my day. Thank you so much for your kind words and support x
Beautiful.
Some years back, another lifetime ago really, my then 3 year old nibling sat down at the Christmas dinner table and cried "where are my pritters?"
Because when you are three, and you are promised a very special Christmas dinner at Nan and Pop's, that meal would naturally include the most special food of all - Nana's corn fritters.
Come boxing day there were Nana's fritters a plenty, and a new family tradition was born.
Corn fritters were eventually replaced by potato salad and this year the cousins are lining up to cook.
So, with another generational changing of the guard - our family are agnostically blessed to have 3 generations cooking this Christmas, and 4 generations seated at our table.
And I am most excited to learn from my great-nibling what we forgot to cook them!
Pop (still) makes the (best) Christmas cake. Nana taught him the secret of her success, and we all treasure this small slice of perfection that is steeped in time old family tradition.
To all of our loved ones, both present and departed.
Ngā mihi Emily.
This is so beautiful Sarah!! Thank you for sharing. I love it so much.
Thank you Ms Em. You are possibly the sanest person whose seasonal survival advice I have seen, and not just today; and certainly one of the kindest. May you and yours go well , whichever day your whanau gathers.
Thank you so much Linda ❤️ aroha nui, so kind of you to say.
That's one wise and special 8 year old you have. I'm going to keep this advice front of mind to try to make the holidays a far less stressful time this year. Thanks to you and Ham for sharing x
Aroha nui - he’s such a great kid, I feel so lucky to have him ❤️
He is so wise. So many excellent lessons about keeping things simple. And I am 100% with him on role defining. Especially at work and on projects, and what is Christmas Day but a project.
Also, I would sit and listen to any of the fact outpouring because nothing is more interesting than information delivered by someone who is passionate about it <3
Yes!!! It's actually such a good ice breaker to ask people what their 'special interest' is - because we have found everyone has something they're really interested in - maybe not to the same extent but still...And truly the way a kid's face lights up when you just listen to them talk about whatever gasses them up is the best ❤️
I’m pretty sure I’m neurotypical, but very introverted, I wish I had the sense to just politely excuse myself and leave when I’m starting to feel social overwhelm. Problem is hubby is an extrovert and sometimes it takes a while for him to see that I’m done, even after quietly saying so. Your son is a wise soul. Although right now I’m salty that the bil has declared that he’s hosting xmas lunch without any discussion with anyone in his family who were all expecting to have a last Christmas at the parents house before they move into a retirement village next year and no one in his family have the guts to tell him to pull his head in. Unfortunately it’s not my battle, it’s hubby’s brother and I’ve already had one argument with him this year.
Oh I’m sorry Bernadette that’s really hard. Maybe there’s a way to also go there for a special toast? To say goodbye together and share happy memories? I so hear you about introversion! That’s my husband, I’m the extroverted one and I often have to be reminded that even if I’m having the best time, I need to remember when others are feeling overwhelmed! We do a ‘tag out’ sometimes where he will go with our youngest and leave me and my big boy (the two extroverts) to keep filling our cup with social activity! It can be hard balancing everything eh?
I originally read this as you saying you have already had one argument with your husband this year and I was like wow that’s an interesting dynamic!
Seriously though that is a tough one.
Thanks Emily. These truly are rules for a fun/stress free Christmas we do many, many of these already, but I have taken note of the rest! Gold level advice from your eight year old. Wishing you and your wonderful whānau a very meri kirihimete and thank you for all your amazing, poignant and hilarious work this year it has got me through many a ‘moment’ 💕
Thank you Steph! All my love to you and yours too. Thank you for the kind words ❤️
Oh Emily, this is marvellous! I wish I had known about the 'role for everyone' idea when my kids were growing up. I think I brought the 'Christmas stress/emotional baggage' stuff on myself, because the day was never a drama, to be honest. But I was just never relaxed! I'm better now, as an oldish lady - lol, and like your son I see Christmas as just a day. Which it really is! When I start worrying about the success or otherwise of my pavlova, I reflect on how unimportant it is in the grand scheme of things. Sorry for the ramble!
Not a ramble! I totally get you! I also found it so stressful watching all of the mahi fall on the women in our whanau for so long - clear roles stops people being able to avoid helping (there’s always a few *cough* men!). Oooh I’m excited about pav tho!
It's the best recipe ever! All in One Pavlova. Google it - I think it's a Chelsea Sugar recipe. So easy.
So no more polystyrene ball/vomit snow then?
We live in a beautiful part of the country and have lots of space, so often have family visiting. Not on Christmas Day itself, but the other days they’re here, I tend to get up early, before the heat, have some quiet time to myself before they get up, socialise for a few hours, then have a nap while they all complain about how hot it is
This is suuuuch a good approach! Love an afternoon nap eh! I think I might share the Christmas balls story on Christmas Eve haha
Afternoon naps are the best
Do you know what? I’m distraught about Shane McGownans passing (shagged him once!) because it lays odds on Fairytail of New York becoming the #1 Xmas song, and I don’t think I can cope. So no traditional Xmas this year. We all cope the way we can 🙂🌈
Also sorry for your loss but omg I was not expecting ‘banged Shane McGowan’ in these comments and I love it. I am absolutely obsessed with Fairytale it’s my second fave Christmas song after White Wine in the Sun! ❤️
I am flat out getting the kids ready for school but WHAT LOL was he good????
Thanks Emily, I really need to hear this - it’s validating that other people are doing things their own way. I’ve been trying to scale back my Xmas since one year I put on a whole Xmas lunch that I actually blank on now because I was feverish with the flu the whole time! We’re lucky (?) in that our families all live in the North Island and we don’t have the pressure to visit at Xmas time, so we can change the traditions to suit ourselves. But it’s still taking me a long time to extract myself from my own expectations for the holidays, though I’m slowly getting there!
I’d love to hear Ham’s thoughts on Idomeneo. Perhaps he’d like to write a Mozart quiz sometime?
Oh he would love that ❤️
I LOVE this.
I second the wonderful comment about how privileged we are to support you, and in exchange have a glimpse of your life. I love how honest you are about how big the feels can get/how your health has been impacted. I'm so glad you have actively been taking time for yourself this year. I'd like to think your tribe has your back and you didn't lose any awesome people by being honest with us.
Thank you for opening my eyes to so many viewpoints, insights and plain old news that I would've missed without you. Also massive thanks to you and the boys for Cat Compliments and the "I am a Burrito" meditation, which still get me smiling on the toughest days.
Enjoy whatever day Christmas falls on this year, spending time with loved ones (and not so loved ones) is a privilege we can all be grateful for, and can remember that while politely changing the subject!!
Oh you’re so lovely Lisa - thank you so much xx this means everything to me x
Great approach. Our whanau has decided to take a picnic to the beach. And that's it for THE DAY. We'll socialize more informally on other days. One year, all the kids were staying with relations elsewhere, so husband and I just hiked up into the bush and picnicked by ourselves. It was bliss.
Beautiful ❤️